Words of Warning...
   
... to the Self-Motivator
 

Since the ancient days of Onan there has persisted amongst country folk a taboo against spilling ones seed in the vicinity of still water, especially in high summer.
Like all superstitions, this home-spun wisdom is well grounded in fact.
For it is the case that under certain conditions sperm may survive in warm shallow ponds long enough for them to fuse with frog-spawn giving rise to curious hybrid creatures that are both man and amphibian (with the human genome tending to be the dominant partner).
Depending on the species of frog concerned, and the mettle of the shedder, the resulting offspring may grow to three or four feet in height. They tend to be smooth of skin and pale grey with a greenish tinge. Their eyes are dark and bulbous lenses and their limbs gangly. They have small nostrils upon their flat faces; their mouths are thinly lipped.
Further, being but a half and half creature, the seed-spawn is infertile and unable to reproduce within its own rare species. There is evidence to suggest that these desperate beings stalk abroad, by dead of night, to mate with humans in a vain attempt to perpetuate their foul bloodline.
Terrified sleepers have awoken to find the leering face of one such daemon-child peering from a chest-crouched perching point grimly fumbling at their nether regions. The incubus, the succubus, a night terror as old as the human race itself.
And here we have the true genesis of the fairytales of imps, elves, goblins and leprechauns. Their magickal ways we ascribe to the subtle poison or narcotic exuded from their skins which may induce waking dreams or narcoleptic trances in those humans they touch.
Of course the March of Progress into the countryside during the twentieth century did much to choke of the supply of generative fluid upon which these loathsome beings depend.
The flushing loo and the proto-toilet duck all but wiped out the seminal-homunculus until the 1970's when they began to return with a vengeance. Now no longer confined to backward rural areas, in the fin-de-siecle mindset of urban consciousness, the faery king becomes the Grey, the Alien Abductor.
 


We have traced the the source of this new infestation to the nutrient soup which now pollutes the sewers of every major city in the 'Western'world.
There are worse things than crocodiles beneath us.
Aleady synthetic oestrogens in household chemicals are causing fish to mutate and feminise and, although, as a result, sperm counts continue to decline amongst healthy males, it still only takes a drop...
And the rise in 'safer sex' practices means more free-floating DNA under the street.
GENTLEMEN! IN THE NAME OF SANITY AND SANITATION I BESEECH YOU!
If ever your thoughts should stray towards auto-erotic stimulation, imagining your salty palms are someone else's, stay your hand! Beware, lest your bastard offspring come crawling up the drains to unjuice you!
 



NB. The beings here discussed fall short of the classical homunculus described by Paracelsus. However, under certain very specific conditions it is entirely possible that a Paracelsian homunculus might be generated. This would require that a mare drinking at the waters edge should expire and fall into the puddle allowing the teeming larva to enter her womb and therefeed on her hysterical liquids. Homunculi formed in the putrefaction of a horse remain in a foetal form
forever but are uncannily wise and possessed of dark and eldritch potencies. Thus they make ideal familiars for their larger kindred.
It is our belief that at certain times the seed-spawn themselves have attempted to manipulate this process to their own advantage, which would go some way towards an explanation of the mysterious mutilations of horses and ruminants which are sometimes reported in association with alleged spates of alien abduction, particularly those in which the reproductive organs are removed.







 
 

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Astrid Pluver

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