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Chapter 9: Have Power Will Travel.

Shinji was once again sitting in Gendo’s office. His hands were heavily bandaged because even though he had the strength, for whatever reason, to tear the rear plating off Unit 00 he wasn’t strong enough to prevent himself from getting burned.

Misato and Ritsuko were standing over him asking flurries of questions none of which he could answer save those from what Ranma had showed him. After about an hour of grilling Shinji Gendo dismissed everybody.

This was unexpected and could possibly be a threat to the project. It was thought that the amount of integrated Angel DNA in the marduke children was so small that it would not manifest itself in any sort of special abilities. To this end SELE decided that it was not worth the effort to devise a scenario where this was the case.

A small red light started flashing on Gendo’s desk. He sighed and adjusted his glasses. It was SELE they probably wanted answers. He slowly got up from his desk and walked into a small broom closet and closed the door. He pressed the green button on the control panel next to him and suddenly he was standing in his usual place at the SELE council chambers.

"Gendo I’m sure you know why we called you here."

"Yes."

"Proceed then with your report."

"We have not been able to discern much regarding Unit 01’s pilot’s unexpected and as yet unexplained feat of unnatural strength. It is my belief however that our original dismissal of the Angel DNA factor was in error."

"You’re saying that this feat of strength was due to the Angel factor, preposterous."

"Yet it is the only solution I can come up with."

"You may be correct, order strict testing and see if the Angel DNA has indeed become active."

"Yes."

"You are dismissed."

Gendo faded out.

"This could be a hindrance to our plans." Said one of the shadowy figures

"Yes I agree but if we were to gain control of this power, our original plan would be completed." Said another.

"I agree, but if we are unable to harness the power we must destroy all hybrids, or risk 3^rd impact."

"It is agreed then, if we can not gain control of Shinji he and all the other hybrids must be destroyed, after they have defeated the Angels."

Gendo was sitting at his desk. He knew what they wanted, and he knew that they would terminate with extreme prejudice if their plans were thwarted. He would have to convince Shinji that what they were doing was right, and hopefully he would agree.

Hopefully, for all their sakes.

In Misato’s apartment Shinji was at the stove cooking supper, while Misato was sitting on the couch drinking the American beer Shinji bought for her and watching TV. Rei was laying on her stomach having a staring contest with Pen Pen.

"Shinji!"

"Yeah Misato?"

"If you ever buy this watered down beer again I’ll kill you."

"I just thought that since you drink so much beer, you shouldn’t be drinking so much alcohol."

"I like alcohol it’s one of the five major food groups."

"Lemme guess. Curry, beer, chocolate, potato chips, and instant ramen."

"You got it."

It was two minutes later and Rei and Pen Pen were still staring at eachother. Then Pen Pen let out a wark and blinked, sort of. Rei confident that she’d won got up and wandered over to see what Shinji was doing. She wasn’t really trying to have a staring contest with Pen Pen she was just thinking.

"Why did you save me?"

"What?"

"On the hill why did you save me?"

"I can’t remember doing it, but even if I was in control I couldn’t just let you die."

"Why?"

"Why are you asking me? That’s a stupid question why would you want to die?"

"I don’t want to die, but even if I do I can be replaced."

"What the hell are you talking about? That’s impossible nobody, not even a clone can be replaced."

Rei looked startled, did he know?

"But I’m not special."

"Sure you are, you are Rei Ayanami. Even if somebody made a clone of you they would be unique also. They would be a separate people and could not be replaced."

"I think I understand."

"Rei?"

"Yes."

"I want you to do something for me."

"What?"

"Smile."

"Smile?"

"Yeah I want to see what you look like with a smile on your face. From the first time we met, you’ve never smiled."

Truth be told Rei had never smiled. She knew how but she had never figured out the purpose of doing it. She curled her lips into a smile.

"There you go. Now how do you feel."

"I don’t feel."

"Oh come on you must feel something."

"No. Thank you."

And she walked over to where Pen Pen was and started another staring contest with him.

/ Hey Shinji wake up! /

^ Huh? What? What’d I miss? ^

/ Not much here. Do you mind taking over cooking, supper’s almost ready. /

Sitting at the table Shinji, Misato and Rei were sitting eating supper in relative silence. Misato was reaching across the table to get some more rice when she accidentally spilt her open beer can on Shinji.

"What’d you do that for" Ranma yelled as she jumped away from the rest of the beer. Tearing Shinji’s shirt to shreds.

Rei sat at the table staring at Shinji who had just changed into a girl. She was obviously shocked. (her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open 3mm.)

"What?"
Misato realizing that Rei had never met Ranma or seen the transformation before decided that the best course of action was to just tell her the truth.

"Rei I’d like you to meet Ranma Saotome."

"…"

The rest of the meal was spent with Misato and Ranma taking turns telling the story, Misato yelling at Ranma to go put something on, and to show some female modesty. And Misato glancing ever so often at Ranma.

After supper was over Ranma went and changed back. After all Shinji had training to do. A while after Shinji had gone into his room to lift weights, Rei got tired of having staring competitions against Pen Pen. She was bored so she got up and decided to go see what Shinji was doing.

She walked in and saw Shinji in his underwear lifting weights. He heard the door open and looked to see who it was. He was so frightened seeing Rei standing there looking at him that he dropped the bar on his chest. It hurt. Rei calmly walked over and helped him lift it off himself, then she helped him up.

They were sitting on the bed Shinji still in his underwear and Rei in her usual school uniform. Neither of them said anything. Then without warning Rei pushed Shinji onto his back onto the bed and jumped on top of him. He struggled but even though he’d gotten a lot stronger because of his weight training she was still stronger, and held him down. She lowered her head to his and was just about to kiss him… when Misato burst in.

"Damn it. What the hell do you two think you’re doing. I can’t believe it it’s only been two days and you’re already jumping his bones!"

She stomped over and pulled Rei off Shinji.

"I can’t believe it! Shinji you should know better. And Rei you little tramp, I had you figured wrong you slut." She turned to face Ranma. "And as for you Ranma I hold you responsible, being older you should have known better."

/ I couldn’t do anything. /

"He…"

"I don’t want to hear a word out of your mouth young man."

She stormed out of Shinji’s room dragging a giggling Rei behind her. She was so furious that her charges were fucking under her roof that she failed to notice. Actually she was furious that she was 26 years old and her two 14 year old charges were getting more than she was. Life wasn’t fair.

Ranma and Shinji however noticed.

/ You still owe me 30 more reps. /

^ Aww man. ^

/ You’ve had your fun for the evening now it’s back to work. /

That night Pen Pen couldn’t sleep a wink. Mainly because he couldn’t close his eyes.

Chapter 10: Here's Azuka (finally)

The next day brought sunshine. To most it was a welcome event but to those poor souls who were about to acquire new orifices due to their conduct the night before. Shinji and Rei were among these people. Rei was up first and decided to make breakfast. Finding something not beer or curry was quite difficult so she decided to make curried rice and egg omelet.
The sun pierced Shinji's eyelids and worked it's way up his optic nerve to pound on his brain. Actually it was pounding on the current conscious occupant of the brain. Ranma. He was used to his old man waking him up with a few well placed kicks, or Akane with her mallet and then later on with a well placed kiss depriving him of all oxygen until he woke up. The sun was never a factor in his waking up. Until now.
He slowly rose up out of the soft bed and worked his way over to Shinji's dresser and got dressed for the day. He made sure to wear the latex suit just in case, because for some reason water was unnaturally attracted to him. Cold water never the hot stuff. He wondered if fate really did have it out for him, but decided that that question probably shouldn't be answered.
He opened his door and instantly the smell of curry caught his nostrils and pulled down.
/ Oh man Misato's cooking again. /
He wandered into the kitchen to see Rei at the stove trying her hardest to keep the eggs in the frying pan and failing miserably.
"Morning Rei."
"Good morning Shinji." She replied and continued on with her task.
Misato came into the room and glared at Shinji then at Rei.
"Uh good morning Misato."
"Don't good morning me. Now you know I'm not too happy with you two." She started in an amazingly cool, calm and collected voice.
"Well ahh…"
"Now I didn't want to do this but since I'm responsible for you two and it won't look too good if Commander Ikari found out that you two were screwing like dogs in heat."
"But…"
"Let me finish Shinji. Now, from now on there will be some new rules around here. Rule number one. There is to be no sex under this roof. If there is anybody having sex here it will be me.
Rule number two. You may associate with each other but any sexual or other type of relationship that may lead to sex will be dealt with immediately.
Rule number three. Your respective rooms are off limits to the other person, except in cases of extreme emergency like an angel attack.
Rule number four. Rei. You will not have any more staring contests with Pen Pen. He dried his eyes out and couldn't blink for two hours last night, I had to take him to the vet. Are there any questions."
"Yeah Misato would you like me too ahh relay this info onto Shinji when he wakes up or would you prefer to tear him a new asshole yourself."
Misato facefaulted. She'd completely forgotten about Ranma and didn't even bother to ask who was in charge.
Rei had an idea. She grabbed a glass of water and doused Ranma with it. He as expected changed into a she. He was just about to protest but was cut off by a pair of rather pale lips connecting with his, I mean hers. Misato just dropped her jaw. "Well the rules say that there is to be no sex between me and Shinji but Ranma here's not included."
"But…" He started to protest.
"He's a she so it's all right then."
Misato was trying her best to think of an appropriate response, she wasn't against lesbianism but then again Ranma was really a guy, a fairly cute one at that from what she could find on him, but it just didn't seem right for a fourteen year old girl to be doing such things. She was just about to launch a rebuttal when her cell phone rang. Just what she needed right now. She was supposed to meet up with the United Nations heavy carrier fleet to escort Unit 02 and it's pilot into Japanese waters. Babysitting that's just what she's been doing. God did she hate being a wet nurse to a bunch of children, although as of late they had been acting anything but like children.
"So who was it?" asked Ranma now female.
"It was Nerv, guess what you two are coming with me to escort a new Evangellion from the States to Japan."
"So that means we're out of school for the day then."
"Yup you've got fifteen minutes to get ready we'll eat on the way."
Ranma ran off to the bathroom to change back and dry off. Rei dumped their 'breakfast' into Pen Pen's bowl and threw the pan into the sink just like she did at her old apartment.
He waddled over and took one look. A single tear formed in his eye as he picked up the phone and started dialing a local fish market to get himself some breakfast because there wasn't anything edible in the house.
"Goddess hotline how may I help you?"
"Wark?"

At the helicopter Kensuke and Touji were waiting for them. Misato was obviously shocked.
"How? How the hell did you guy's find out about this? It was supposed to be totally secret."
"Well I figured that since Shinji and Rei weren't at school yet so I figured that something was up. Then I checked around on the internet and found some satellite photo's of the UN fleet sailing towards Japan, I put two and two together and figured that you guys were going to meet them. Then I figured that you'd need a helicopter…" began Kensuke
"But…"
"Actually Shinji phoned us and told us what was going on." Offered Touji.
Misato lowered her head and put her hand on her brow. She sighed.
"Alright, alright already you can come, BUT you must stay out of trouble is that understood."
Both of them jumped to attention and saluted.
"Yes mam'!" they shouted in unison.
"Alright now get your assess into the copter we're late already."
The two extra 'unexpected' passengers took up two extra seats. Therefor somebody had to sit on somebody's lap. Rei offered to sit on Shinji's lap but Misato slapped that down. As it ended up it was Misato sitting on Touji's lap.
^ How the hell is he keeping it down? Man he's got to have some major control. ^
/ I've got no idea hell I can meditate a bit but with that sitting on my lap I don't know if I could resist. /
^ In your girl form too? Man are you sick! ^
/ Hell yah don't you know girl girl can go for hours. /
^ But I thought you were a guy? ^
/ Hey I AM a guy! /
Unbeknownst to either Shinji or Ranma or anybody other than Touji and Misato was the fact that Touji was less than perfectly fine. In fact he was about seven inches less than perfectly fine. It started about two minutes into the flight he'd tried everything to not think of the fact that Misato was sitting on his lap, so close, too damned close. She realized that maybe, just maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sit on the lap of a walking pile of hormones. But since this was the most she'd gotten in months she decided to let it slide but never to let this kid near her again.
+ Two inches more and I'd be screwed. Both literally and figuratively. +
As they approached the carrier Kensuke was so busy snapping pictures that he didn't notice the wet willie coming his way courtesy Rei. She crept closer reaching her finger out. Splort!
"Yahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" He jumped so high he hit his head on the roof of the helicopter and dropped his camera into the pacific.
Rei smiled. "These ships are top secret, can't have him taking pictures now can we." "But did you have to knock him out?" questioned Shinji.
"Of course, would you rather I have grabbed him like this." As she demonstrated her new technique on Shinji. Misato was about to break them up when the seatbelt sign lit up and she couldn't move. Shinji of course couldn't move either but with Rei's hand between his legs it was a totally different reason.
As soon as the chopper landed on the deck of the pitching carrier Kensuke regained consciousness, with a little help from Rei of course.
+ I wonder what's gotten into her? + thought Misato. She started acting weird about a day after she moved into their apartment. Something was just not right with that girl and it wasn't her hair or her eyes.
Touji stepped off the helicopter attempting to conceal the raging hard on in his jeans, and failing miserably. A sudden gust of wind combined with the fact that he was leaning over caused his hat to act like a parasol, it took off across the deck of the carrier and he took off after it. Running as fast as he could he managed to catch up to it but not before it was stepped on by a pair of ladies sneakers. He grabbed his hat and looked up. Really, Really bad timing.
A gust of wind caught the young woman's flowing skirt and lifted it up and Touji's eyes at perfect viewing position he caught the full blow of her furry pink panties staring him right in his eye.
Also having just seen what she had, he of course was in perfect position to pay for services rendered. Payment being one express mailed slap upside the head. "What was that for?"
"Payment for services rendered of course." She said walking away from the fallen Touji and slapped Kensuke. Having just barely recovered from the Reiing he received in the helicopter another blow almost put him out, but instead only put him on the deck. She was about to slap Shinji for looking when a huge wave smashed against the side of the ship sending sea spray all over the deck. This was enough to trigger the transformation that Ranma waited for for the longest time since it gave him a chance to be in control.
Azuka's eyes were bugging out and her jaw was almost on the deck. Touji and Kensuke were in not much better shape.
"He... He... She..." began Azuka.
The boys were just too stunned to talk or even make sounds similar to talking. / Oh well they know our secret now. Before they get the full story I'm going to have a little fun with this. /
^ What? Oh no. ^
"Hey Azuka, you call that built. Check this." He pulled up his shirt revealing everything. Well everything under his shirt which was the latex suit. Touji sprouted a massive nosebleed and collapsed on the deck, and Kensuke who was already on the deck just passed out.
"Ranma have you no feminine modesty." Shouted Misato.
"Not a shred love. I'm a guy remember." He said as he proceeded to saunter off in search of hot water, cocking his hips side to side with every step just to emphasize some point which was not recognized by either girls. Rei would have been laughing her ass off if she had not been walking side by side with Ranma doing the exact same thing.
"You must have been really desperate for help eh Misato?" she said with her eyes narrowed.
Misato had one hand on her brow and it covered her eyes. She was looking down in an exasperated pose.
"You could say that. Damn I'm going to send both those nutcases to the funny farm when this is all over."
"I imagine you have an explanation for this?" she asked.
Misato reached into her inside pocket of her Nerv uniform and pulled out a small book and handed it to Azuka.
"What's this?"
"The whole story, I suggest you read it before lunch or you'll be at a tactical disadvantage."
Azuka stared at Misato as she hauled away the two limp forms of Touji and Kensuke so they could be 'treated' for their injuries and or hormonal imbalance.
As she rounded a corner on her way to the infirmary she ran into some scruff. As her eyes traveled up she dreaded every centimeter of what she saw. Ryoji Kaji.
"Ah Misato long time no see."
"Not long enough now out of my way I've got wounded here."
He gracefully sidestepped Misato then whirled and followed her from behind. His favorite view.
"Couldn't stand the sight of Ranma I see. Yes that one there is a fine looking young lady."
Misato spun around just in time to see Ranma still in female form punt Kaji down the hall and onto the deck.
"I'm a GUY!!!!"
"Thanks Ranma."
"Was he bothering you?"
"Yes he was."
"Then I guess I'll have to kick his ass again for that too."
Misato bigsweated.
"You mean that you kicked him ten meters for calling you a girl?"
"You got a better reason to kick a jerk like that?"
"No, no I guess not."
"Why haven't you changed back yet?"
"Well it's because I don't have access to anything." Holding up Shinji's badge. "I don't exactly look like this handsome little devil here do I?"
^ Handsome? Ranma are you sure you're not a girl? ^
/ I'm a guy, I was just trying to compliment you OK? /
^ Never mind just change back already. ^

Later that day everyone was sitting around the mess hall table having coffee. Except of course for Touji and Kensuke. Both of them had to stay behind in the infirmary because of medical conditions. Touji had severe blood loss and Kensuke had a concussion.
"Look what you've done Rei, Kensuke's in the infirmary with a concussion what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry Misato. I'll make it up to him later." She replied with a glint in her eye.
Waving her hands frantically she tried to get Rei to change her mind on that. "No, no a simple apology is enough."
"As you wish."
"Oi Shinji." Broke in Kaji
"What do you want?"
He leaned over and started whispering in Shinji's ear. Close enough to freighn secrecy but loud enough so that the rest of the table could hear.
"I was just wondering, is Misato still a wild woman in bed like I remember her, or has she tamed down in her old age?"
Shinji leaned back and responded loud enough so that the entire table and a few of the neighboring tables could hear.
"Ah yes, so you're the Kaji she's been screaming. Do you know it took me a whole week to get her to scream my name properly?"
The entire table facefaulted.
Misato got up and grabbed Shinji by his collar. "Why did you say that? Why? We haven't slept together."
Shinji calmly took a sip of his tea, then looked straight at her. "Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."
She let go and he returned to his seat.
"Although I think she prefers Ranma."
"WHAT?!!!"
Misato wound up for a giant slap when Shinji effortlessly flipped away. Unfortunately he forgot he was on a ship, so he miscalculated his jump. He landed ontop of Azuka.
"Get off me you jerk."
"Oooo just when I was getting comfortable."
"Pervert!"
"Tomboy."
/ Oh boy /
Fifteen minutes later Rei was still watching intently as insult after insult was thrown around. Names were called left and right, they had almost come to blows a couple of times but were restrained. If she could Azuka would have malleted Shinji into the lower decks, but as it is this story prohibits anybody without a class three operators license from operating an interdimensional Shinji whacking device.
/ You do know that this is how Akane and I acted when we first met? /
^ Yeah I know. Hey we're not anything like you two! ^
/ Yeah I would have been in the deck plates by now. She must really like you. /
Back in the real world Azuka had stopped her tirade when Shinji all of a sudden went blank and stopped responding to her.
"Huh? Misato what's wrong?" asked Azuka totally perplexed.
"Oh don't worry about him. He's just having a conversation with Ranma."
"Ranma?"
"Didn't you read the book I gave you?"
"Actually no, I was waiting for the cliff's notes to come out." She said with a sheepish grin.
"No I don't like that upstart little bitch! Why the hell would you think that!" Shouted Shinji totally forgetting that he was conversing aloud instead of yelling at Ranma.
In that moment after he said those words to the next when he was lying on the floor clutching his groin Azuka looked like a younger red-haired version of Akane when she was utterly pissed off at Ranma.
The expression on her face faded and she became normal once again. She flicked her hair with one hand then bent down and grabbed the now prone Shinji and started dragging him out of the room. She looked at Rei who was having a staring contest with a bug on the table. The bug was losing.
"Hey Rei you wanna come take a look at my Eva?"
"Sure why not." She said as she got up and followed Azuka.
The bug blinked.
Kaji turned to Misato.
"Kids these days have no style. Now me on the other hand I would have gone for the more subtle approach."
He leaned forward. His advance was stopped by a quick rabbit punch to the face.
Clutching his nose.
"Misato what'd you do that for? Give us a kiss and make it all better."
Multiple array of rabbit and all out punches aimed strait at the offending person's head. As Kaji lay there unconscious on the floor Misato thought to herself.
+ Whoever came up with that addage 'If violence is not solving your problems you're just not using enough of it.' Really hit it on the head. +
She thumbed her nose Bruce Lee style then continued to drink her coffee and watch what seemed to be a blind bug stumble off the table to it's death.

In a giant hangar on another ship in the fleet the three children stood on a platform looking at the shiny new red Evangellion unit 02.
"There she is. Isn't she beautiful." Exclaimed Azuka as she swooned over 'her' Eva. "Yeah it's not bad. But I really don't see what's so special about it."
Slapping him on the back of the head. "Stupid. It's the first production model."
"Huh?"
Scowling at him. "Don't you know anything stupid!" You and Rei are only using the two prototypes. This is the first production model. It doesn't have any of the bugs that yours have." She beamed.
Shinji tuned to Rei. "Uh Rei do our Eva's look like they have any bugs in them?"
"Could be mine tried to kill me the first time I got in it, but other than that no I really don't think they've got anything major wrong with them."
Azuka was getting furious at having her baby shot to pieces.
"Well I've got a better reaction time in Unit 02 than either of you have in your pieces of junk!"
"So what? I've got a stereo system and reclining bucket seats."
"Bucket seats and Pearl Jam aren't going to get you out of an Angel attack. Don't come crying to me when you're stuck in a battle and can't get your garbage to move when you need it."
Suddenly sirens.
"Red alert, I repeat red alert. Unknown object approaching off starboard bow. Range 150 knots. Speed 15 knots and increasing. All hands to battle stations."
"Angel." Said both Rei and Shinji at the same time provoking a stunned response from Azuka. This stunned reaction quickly turned to one of excitement. She grabbed Shinji's hand and led him off down the hall.
When the rounded the corner she tossed a plug suit at Shinji.
"Get changed."
"Why?"
"I want you to see first hand why I'm the better pilot."
She rounded the corner and her clothes started flying. Shinji unable to resist tried to sneak a peak and got a shoe in the face for his troubles.
"Stop staring and get changed."
/ Get changed. She's going to need you. /
^ Huh? Why? She seems so gung ho about this why shouldn't I just let her go it alone. ^
/ She's never fought before I can tell. She's scared. /
^ Scared? ^
/ Mhm you can tell. That's why she's taking you along. /
Shinji quick changed and made it back to the Eva first.
"Rei I think you should get back to the main carrier. It's not going to be safe here anymore.
Rei nodded her agreement and ran off towards the transit boat that would take her back. But not before giving Shinji a little smack on his butt.
"What are you waiting for stupid!" Yelled Azuka who was now climbing into the entry plug and starting the preigniton sequence.
Shinji single hopped from the platform into his seat and strapped in. Azuka was fortunately looking the other way and failed to notice. If she had she would probably have frozen again.
"Starting insertion sequence. Insertion sequence complete," Azuka sounded off every check on the list sounding real professional about it. Neither Shinji nor Ranma were impressed.
The giant lumbering beast slowly rose from it's pool and began to maneuver in the 'cramped' confines of the cargo bay. Rei was already well on her way back to the flagship.

Speaking of the flagship that's where Misato was, and she wasn't happy.
+ This was supposed to be a walk in the park. Why the hell does an Angel have to show up now? +
The captain was busy with attempting to destroy the attacking Angel that he didn't realize that his weapons were having absolutely no effect on it. He also didn't notice that he wasn't wearing any pants, but that's a different story.
Thinking fast Misato did the first thing she could think of to get his attention. Problem was she learned it from Rei. She swung her arm back turned her hand outwards and formed it into a claw. She swung her arm forward at great speed so that her claw hand would catch the captain's lower parts so that she could manipulate him to her will. "Now listen here captain. I've fought these things before and conventional weapons won't work!"
"Young lady exactly what do you think you're doing?"
"Um getting your attention so that you won't waste time fighting the Angel and lose more ships."
"Ha you think that I actually want to fight something like that! I've read the briefing I know that nothing but that monster of yours will work on it. I'm just moving the fleet so that we can get in range for you to plug that overgrown extension cord into it."
The captain took a giant step back. Misato heard some snaps unsnapping and she was left there holding the captain's genitals in her hand. She flinched and recoiled back in horror. The captain merely reached down and snapped them back on.
"Got my balls blown off in the Gulf War. Had these specially made by Snap-On tools. They have a lifetime warranty if I ever break them I get them replaced for free." He laughed sadiciously then returned to his duties commanding the fleet.
Shinji and Azuka were having difficulties of their own. With two minds both of which were trying to control the Eva. Poor thing didn't know which one to listen to so it was sluggish and slow to respond. Eventually it would listen to Azuka since she was the one with the neural interface devices on her head.
"Azuka watch out!!!" yelled Shinji just as she was about to jump on what appeared to be a long rowboat with about five people in it. At the last second she changed her course and jumped on the deck of the Takabano.
"What the hell is a rowboat doing in the middle of the Pacific ocean!"
"That was the Inuvick Bay."
"Five guy's in a boat with some rocks."
"The pride of the Canadian Navy."
"And next your going to tell me that they still use diesel subs too."
"All right then. I guess I won't tell you about their airforce."
Misato decided that all she could do was watch from the bridge and try to give orders which she knew wouldn't be followed. As she gazed out of the bridge's window onto the deck she saw something that really got her panties in a bind. There on the deck of the carrier was Kaji, carrying a metal case of some sort, climbing into a harrier jumpjet. When he was seated he waved and gave her a wink just before it took off.
+ That prick! Jumping ship just like that. Damn him! +
About fifty meters away from the ship the Angel breached and on the way down swallowed the aircraft whole.
+ Good I hope he gives that stupid Angel heartburn. +
Unbeknownst to Misato the Angel had eaten a ship containing about a ton and a half of Pepsid AC about forty five minutes before so it could eat whatever it liked.
She was shocked back to reality when Unit 02 landed on the deck of the carrier causing the entire ship to lurch and the first mate to spill his double mocha latte with amaretto flavoring and whip cream.
"Aww your so mean. Psh now just look at this who's going to pay for the dry-cleaning? You are so inconsiderate."
Misato just shook her head and turned her attention to Unit 02.
"Alright Azuka get ready it's coming strait for us range 2 kilometers and closing fast ETA 1 minute. Get ready."
"I'm always ready."
Inside the entry plug however things were not going as well. Since Shinji and Ranma were basically second and third wheels and their interference was causing sluggish reaction times it was decided that they should just talk to each other and try and ignore what was going on with the Eva. Actually Azuka basically decided it by telling Shinji that if he did anything she would 'personally rip his balls off so that he could not contaminate the entire human race'. The deductive logic behind this caused Shinji to decide to talk to Ranma.
^ So Ranma, how've you been? ^
/ Same old same old. You? /
^ Never been better. So what about the weather? ^
/ We're in an entry plug, it's climate controlled in here. /
^ Maybe we should have changed then we wouldn't be having these synchro problems now. ^
/ Nah. It's cramped in here as is. What do you think Azuka would have thought with my breasts pushing against the back of her head? /
^ She would have probably freaked and kicked the shit out of you and you wouldn't have been able to do a thing since you can't hit girls and always freeze up when a girl is about to hit you. ^
/ More or less. Hey I've noticed that you don't seem to have a problem with either hitting a girl or dodging a hit. /
^ Well it is the twenty first century Ranma. I don't like doing it but if I have to it's really no problem. ^
/ Just don't hit my daughter again or I'll.. /
^ Or you'll what? Start singing that stupid 'Song that never ends.' Or the Barney theme song? ^
/ Well I was thinking about when you were asleep taking control and going to sleep with Misato but your ideas are better. /
^ Why me? ^
/ Don't ask me. Ask fate. /
^ Fate protects fools, small children and ships named Enterprise. ^
/ You're not a small child. So you fool where to? /
While they were chatting away Azuka had managed to plug herself in and retrieve her new progressive knife from it's holding place in her right shoulder. Now she was in a poor ready pose awaiting the Angel's attack.
"Alright Azuka just as you were taught." Misato said trying to reassure her.
"I know what I'm doing. I've been training all my life for this." She retorted.
One of the bridge hands came up to Misato and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Um excuse me miss. But can that thing swim?"
"An Eva swim? I really don't know."
"Well I was just thinking with all that metal on there it would sink like a stone."
"Azuka, the Eva can't swim! Don't fall in the water!"
+ Now she tells me. +
But of course it was too late. The great white Angel with the big sharp teeth jumped strait at the Eva on the deck. Azuka lunged forward and pierced the Angel's hide but the forward momentum of the 450 ton Angel was more than the Eva could withstand. Both Eva and Angel toppled off the deck into the churning seas.
+ This can't be a good thing. + Thought Misato as she watched.
"I'm not ready for this!" Screamed Azuka as she fought with the controls trying to get the Eva under control again.
"Need some help wonder girl?" Asked Shinji calmly as he leaned over Azuka.
"Who needs you anyway!" she yelled back.
"Well don't complain to me when we get eaten."
"Eat...en."
"Yeah sure it'll probably want to eat us. That's what those big sharp teeth are for."
As quick as you can say 'I'm pissing my plug suit' the neural interface devices were on Shinji's head and he was sitting on Azuka's lap.
The first thing that he needed to do was get out from underneath the Angel. A good kick to what he thought was it's stomach got it's attention.
"Ewww. Angel puke, hey is that an airplane?"
"Shut up and drive stupid. Who cares if it's an airplane or not just fight!"
Misato decided that it would be wise not to get involved.
Underwater a savage battle raged. The Eva and the Angel battled for survival. The problem for the Eva was that it had to hold onto the Angel or it would sink to the bottom. Shinji was kicking and slashing but the Angel's hide was too thick and the knife was too small.
"Great it's not working."
"What do you mean it's not working?!"
/ Shinji you've got to try the Mouko Takabisha. Hopefully that'll kill the Angel and propel us back to the ship. /
^ I'll give it a try. Oh god this feels good. ^
/ What? Oh Azuka. You know hiding a hardon in a plug suit is not easy do you? /
^ She's going to kill me isn't she. ^
/ Hell no. She's going to torture you first THEN torture you some more. Then when your on the brink of death then she'll kill you. /
^ Thanks for the reassurance. ^
/ Just here to help. /
"Here I go."
Shinji concentrated hard. Very hard. He needed to put everything into this one shot. "Don't blow it you pervert!" yelled Azuka.
"Will you shut up you tomboy and let me shoot!" he yelled back.
The angel broke free of his grasp, the Eva started to sink. It circled around and started a final charge mouth agape.
^ Ok just a little closer, a little closer... NOW!!!! ^
"Mouko Takabisha!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
A bright yellow streak of energy shot from his hands and impacted the Angel in the dead center of it's mouth. The Angel suddenly stopped moving and started to sink to the bottom.
"We did it!" Shinji yelled as he turned around and kissed Azuka full on the lips. Without warning Azuka's expression turned from one of joy to an Akaneish expression just before she was going to pound Ranma into believing her cooking was good. As you can imagine he rarely got beaten that bad. (It takes alot of beating to make somebody think Akane's cooking was good.)

Back on the ship they were using the power cable to reel the Eva back in.
"Ahh just like fishing in the North." Beamed the captain as he recalled one of his many fishing trips to the Arctic.
When Eva 02 was recovered the hesitated opening the entry plug because of certain bumps that they heard from inside. It was Misato's pestering and assurance that they were not doing what the tech's thought they were doing that made them open the plug's hatch.
Shinji jumped out and started running across the deck with Azuka in hot pursuit with a giant mallet.
"Get back here you pervert!"
"Hey I didn't do anything you violent tomboy!"
/ Just let me off here. I don't want to play again. /

Misato just went off to find a beer.

Chapter 11 Return of the Cat Fist

Somewhere in Tokyo 3 a blue Syntec 3 sports car raced around a corner and gunned it on the straightaway. Unlike what you may expect this was not a car chase, nor was it a drag race among some pumped up teenagers. It was just how Misato drove normally.

In the drivers seat sat Misato totally transfixed on what was on the radio. She was driving on autopilot. (Author’s note: Speed kills. So if you’re going to speed, speed slowly.) Shinji had shotgun. Azuka, Rei and Pen Pen were in the back seat. This arrangement was specifically designed by Misato. If Shinji were in the back seat with either Azuka or Rei, really bad things would happen. Rei would try to ‘assimilate’ Shinji and Azuka would just beat the stuffing out of him.

"Now when we get to Ritsuko’s I want all of you to be on your BEST behavior do you understand?"

"Yes Misato." They all chimed in unison since this was the fourth time she’d said this in the past four, make that five blocks.

The blue sports car whipped around another corner then quickly did a 50 km/h parallel park.

"Alright everybody out we’re here!" Misato beamed cheerfully.

Everyone slowly crawled out. Everyone except Pen Pen who had not been wearing his seatbelt. He had gotten thrown to the side of the car during the spin. He looked like one of those stupid Garfield car window stick on things. It was really pathetic.

Walking up the stairs to the apartment Shinji had seriously wished that Misato had let him take his bike. Her reason for driving was that they couldn’t all fit on Shinji’s bike and it would be stupid to take two vehicles. Well stupid from her viewpoint.

/ Oh man I’m glad I’m not in charge of the body. You must be sick. /

^ Mr. Observant. What did you think? ^

/ I think you’d better stay away from Azuka tonight. I don’t think she’ll make an over effort to stay away from you. /

^ I guessed as much. Damn you and your morality. I couldn’t hit her back there on the ship and she creamed me. ^

/ Hey don’t blame me. The thing I can’t understand is how she got a hold of that interdimensional hammer. You need at least a class 3 operators license to use one of those. /

^ I would rather not tangle with one of those again. It seemed like no matter where I moved or dodged it always seemed to hit me. ^

/ I don’t know how it works, I never could dodge the stupid thing myself. /

Azuka was looking at Shinji. She still couldn’t get used to the fact that there were two people in one body and that they talked to each other. It was just too weird for her.

Azuka walked into Ritsuko’s apartment and threw her jacket onto the post that was in the wall. Rei was next. She too walked in, but she did not have a jacket so she continued into the sitting area. Shinji was the last person to enter the apartment. He was busy talking to Ranma so he really wasn’t watching what he was doing. He mindlessly wandered into Ritsuko’s living room. Ritsuko’s living room where she kept all of her cat figurines, pictures, and various other things relating to cats. Needless to say Ranma flipped. Since he couldn’t run he screamed. When he screamed Shinji screamed.

Misato who was getting a nice cold beer from the fridge, she heard the scream and took off running… but only after pounding back the beer she was carrying. The rest of the guests at Ritsuko’s also came running. When they arrived in the living room they saw Shinji squirming on the ground seemingly in extreme pain.

"Get him outside now!" ordered Misato.

Once outside Shinji calmed down somewhat although he still twitched sometime. Misato squatted down beside him and put her left arm around his shoulder.

"Shinji. Are you ok?"

"I… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened." Shinji said in a confused scared voice.

"Well start from the beginning." She said reassuringly.

"I walked into the living room then Ranma went crazy. He’s blocking me. He won’t talk back, Misato I don’t know. I just don’t know, he’s never acted this way before, I’m scared."

"Well if you find out what’s bothering Ranma then you’ll know what’s wrong." She smiled.

"I’ll try." Replied Shinji hesitantly.

He closed his eyes and began to concentrate. He dug deeply into Ranma’s conscious and then into his subconscious. It was there that he found the wall. He concentrated even harder. Ranma was resisting trying to stop Shinji but since he wasn’t in control he couldn’t resist very hard. Then it happened.

Shinji was standing at the top of a pit. Below him there were hundreds of cats. This was all fine and good except that the cats all looked ravenously hungry and he was tied up with fish cake. Behind him an unseen man in a white gi pushed him into the pit. ‘Yes my son. I will make you a great martial artist even if it kills you.’ The man said as Shinji hit bottom. Then the cats. This scene was repeated over and over except different fish products were used to tie him up each of the different times.

On the final time Shinji let out a primal scream and was jarred out of his trance by a massive slap, courtesy Azuka.

"Wake up stupid!" shouted Azuka.

Shinji started shaking.

"Well did you find out what was bothering Ranma?"

Shinji nodded hesitantly.

"Well speak up you moron!" Azuka said. She was getting impatient.

"C c c cats. Ranma’s a a afraid of c c c cats."

"Cat’s that’s stupid! Why would he be afraid of cats?!"

"T t t training." Shinji managed to stutter.

As if by an act of god Ritsuko’s pet cat ‘fluffy’ walked by and started to rub it’s head against Shinji’s leg.

Shinji jumped and hung upside down from the ceiling. He was noticeably shaking.

+ This is just great. + Misato sighed + We’re doomed. +

Rei grabbed fluffy and took her back into the apartment. The rest of the people started filing back in until it was just Misato , Shinji and Azuka in the hallway. Shinji had calmed down a bit. He let go of the ceiling and gracefully flipped to his feet.

"I’m going home." Commented Shinji.

"Are you sure you’re ok?" asked Misato.

"Yeah, but if I go back in there I’ll just freak out again. Enjoy the party." He said as he turned and jumped off the balcony of the hallway to the street below then jumped to a nearby rooftop and started off for home.

"He’s got to tell me how he does that." Said Misato with an awed voice.

Azuka was amazed too but she’d seen Shinji do amazing things back on the ship so she contained her amazement. She was too busy thinking anyway.

+ So the amazing Shinji has a chink in his armor after all. + She smiled an evil smile and returned to the party formulating a plan to get her revenge for his behavior on the ship.

At the heart of Central Dogma Gendo was considering Misato’s request to separate Shinji and Rei. She had not given a specific reason, but said that it was not working out. He understood. On the outside Rei seemed to be repressed and withdrawn. But meeting Shinji had awakened her senses. She was becoming human. Worst of all she seemed to be attracted to Shinji. This just would not do. It was set then. Rei would have to go. Gendo leaned back in his chair. He did not tip over though. + Those training wheels I installed work wonders. + He thought to himself.

Back at the party Rei was bored. Azuka was no fun and she was the only other person here her age. She had found Ritsuko’s goldfish and was having a staring contest with it. Azuka who was as bored as Rei decided to go see what Wondergirl was doing. She looked at Rei then looked at the fish then back at Rei. She scowled.

"Stupid, fish don’t have eyelids!"

"So?"

"So?! So fish don’t blink!" Rei turned away from the fish to look at Azuka.

The fish blinked then turned belly up.

Azuka was giving Rei the evil eye. Both Rei and Azuka turned to look at the fish. Their eyes went wide. They looked around to see if anybody had seen them. Seeing nobody they both backed away, turned and ran back to where the adults were getting blasted out of their minds.

By the time Shinji made it home Ranma was talking to him again.

^ Why didn’t you just tell me! ^

/ What was I supposed to say? Ah yes Shinji don’t go near cat’s or I’ll freak out? Yeah right /

^ I guess you’re right but you still should have warned me before I went digging around. Now I’m scared of cats. ^

/ Sorry about that. Yeah I should have warned you. I guess I should tell you now. If you’re exposed to cats for too long you blank out and think you’re a cat. /

^ So not only do I turn into a girl, now I turn into a cat! ^

/ No not turn into a cat. You just think you’re a cat. /

^ And what do I do when I think I’m a cat. ^

/ Uhh more or less you shred things, people, small buildings. /

^ Chase mice, birds things like that? ^

/ I don’t know but yeah probably. I remember waking up with a dead mouse in my mouth once so yeah you probably chase mice. /

^ I hate you, you know that? ^

/ Sorry about this. /

Misato didn’t come home till early the next morning, she was cooked. Azuka had to drive home. When they walked in the door Rei noticed a message on the answering machine. She pressed the button.

‘Misato this is Gendo. Your request has been approved. Rei is to move to apartment 452 and Azuka will move in with you. This is all.’ The last sound before he hung up was a loud crash as his training wheels broke.

As it turned out apartment 452 was right next door to Misato’s. Rei was moving out but she wasn’t going far. Gendo couldn’t let anything happen to her. It was approaching the time when replacement would become impossible.

The next day Misato woke up, her mouth tasted like carpet. Then she realized that her tongue was on the carpet. She rose slowly feeling every crack and crinkle in her ‘old’ bones. She let out a small grunt when she finally got to her feet. She felt cold for some reason. Reason: She was naked. Logic dictates she should have remembered getting naked but she didn’t remember anything past the firemen and the emu incident last night. That was something she wished she could forget. Looking around her apartment she didn’t see anybody. She got over to the fridge with a little help from the chair and table. Upon opening the fridge she noticed that most of her beer was gone. There was only one can left.

Through the fog that was her brain she remembered that Ritsuko told her that she’d have to bring her own alcohol since Ritsuko couldn’t afford to get her drunk. It took most of her supply. Upon downing the last of her beer the fog of last night’s drinking battle slowly lifted as the alcohol lubricated her neurons. She slowly wandered about her apartment wondering where everybody was. She slipped into Rei’s room and was shocked. What had once been a spartan room was suddenly bulging over with stuff. Even more curious was the fact that some of the stuff had German labels on it.

+ Since when does Rei know how to read German? +

Hearing a commotion in the hallway Misato slipped out of the room. She had some questions that needed answers and they needed answers now.

The commotion was Shinji. He, as the only man, had been volunteered to carry the heavy stuff. As Azuka had put it ‘What else are men good for?’. Shinji didn’t mind. This gave him a chance to work out and show off his now slightly built body. The ‘heavy stuff’ he was required to carry now was Azuka’s ‘small’ stereo system.

^ She calls 150 pounds per speaker small! ^

/ Well it could be worse you could have been asked to carry her underwear and be hit every few minutes for being a ‘pervert’ believe me I know. /

^ Why do women have to do this to us. Tell us to do one thing then criticize us for doing it wrong? ^

/ They’re women, I think it’s genetic. /

^ Speaking of such. ^

/ I see Misato’s up. /

^ She looks pissed at something. Options? ^

/ Run or stand and find out what she wants then run. /

^ Best find out what she wants. ^

"Shinji…" she said sweetly. "WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS!!!"

"It’s Azuka’s stuff."

"And since when does Azuka live HERE?!"

"Well as of last night, dad’s orders."

"I never got these orders."

"Well you were too pissed to remember. You pressed the answering machine message then passed out. Basically it says that Rei is to move next door and Azuka is to move in with us."

That seemed sort of logical. She calmed down. "Well can I help with anything?"

"Well if you want to but I suggest you put some clothes on it’s still pretty chilly out there."

Misato’s calm disappeared. Her face twisted into a scowl. "Oh yes that. Now who’s brilliant idea was that one?"

"Well it was Ranma’s idea." A bright spotlight suddenly illuminated Shinji. He had a microphone in his hand. "Last night Ranma called out, ‘Misato make me your love slave!!’ then both of you made wild passionate love for hours."

/ HEY! I did no such thing. /

^ Now we’re even for the cat thing. ^

/ Not even close. /

^ Hey! ^

Misato although intrigued by the possibility of Ranma making love to her, could not figure out exactly how he had done so.

"Well Ranma maybe next time you can wait till I’m sober to have your way with me." She shot back.

/ Oh you’re really going down for this one. It was your idea to strip her. /

Misato trudged off to her room to get her uniform.

/ Although maybe that wasn’t so bad. Thanks Shinji. /

^ But you’re a girl! Now I don’t know if you’re father ever told you about the birds and the bees but some things just don’t work! ^

/ It’d be fun to try though. Or I could just use your body when you’re asleep. /

^ No way you’ve seen what I look like naked, besides she’s old enough to be my mother!^

/ I’m old enough to be your father so? What’s your point? /

^ I still hate you. You do know that don’t you? ^

Breakfast came late that day. Partially because Shinji didn’t feel like cooking and partially because Misato couldn’t find her curry. (They had of course hid it on purpose.)

While everybody was attempting to eat the ‘food’ she had made, Misato reached under the table and pulled out a bookbag and a girls school uniform.

"What’s that for?" asked Shinji.

^ Oh man I hope that’s not for you, I would just hate it if we transformed back while we were wearing that dress. ^

/ Oh come on. / chided Ranma / I think you’d look good in a dress I know I would. /

^ I really hate you, you know that. ^

"No Shinji this is for Azuka."

"What?! Why?" Azuka screamed loud enough to make Pen Pen jump.

"Well you have to go to school." Misato replied as calmly as she could.

"Why should I have to go to school! I’ve already graduated!" She retorted.

Now it was time for Shinji to choke.

"GRADUATED? What the hell? You’re only 14!"

Azuka looked back at him with a smug look on her face.

"Of course I’ve graduated." She tossed her hair. "I am a genius after all."

Shinji smiled but said nothing. From Ranma’s experiences if he’d said anything he would have been pounded into the ground for being an insensitive jerk. For once having a split personality was a good thing. Well that and all the times Ranma’s skills had saved his ass in fights with the Angels.

Misato looked at her watch. "Oh shit! We’re going to be late. Hurry up!"

Bodies were tangled, foots were stepped on in a mad rush to get out of the apartment in time to get to school.

Shinji and Azuka rushed out the door only to run into Rei who was standing waiting for them outside her apartment door. The three of them walked down the street when Azuka saw something out of the corner of her eye. Her revenge was now at hand. She rushed over to the object of her desire and picked it up off the ground.

"What is it?" asked Shinji.

Azuka smiled evilly then quickly spun around shoving the cat into Shinji’s face. He screamed and jumped back. When he landed his knees buckled and he landed on his back. Azuka was ready for this. She rushed up to him and shoved the cat into his face and held it there. Shinji squirmed and screamed. Then to everybody’s surprise he stopped squirming. Azuka removed the cat and let the poor animal go. She looked down at Shinji. She was smiling ear to ear. Shinji looked up at her.

"Well now we’re even you baka."

Shinji’s eyes suddenly narrowed, and he let out a terrifying

"Meroooowwwww!"

Azuka’s smile vanished. This was not part of her plan.

He leapt at her and knocked her to the ground. He wound up to strike when Rei tackled him. She wrestled him to the ground but he managed to yank one of his arms free.

The next instant Rei was on the ground clutching her face. Shinji had blood on his hand and she blood on her face. He began advancing on her on all fours. He yowled like a wildcat, then crouched to spring.

Rei’s distraction had bought Azuka enough time. She’d managed to find a lead pipe that had been dislodged from one of the buildings during the numerous battles with the Angels. She ran up and hit Shinji on the back of the head knocking him unconscious.

Rei was cowering and showing something akin to fear.

"You ok wondergirl?"

Rei did not reply she was too busy trying to conceal the wet spot on her dress. She never thought it possible but she felt fear. Fear for her life. She was just a clone, she shouldn’t care whether she died or not, but when the moment actually came she found that she didn’t want to die. It was quite interesting, if undesirable.

"Hey! Wonder what the hell’s wrong with you?"

"I don’t know." She looked at Shinji. "What about him?"

"What the hell happened to him?"

"He’s scared of cats."

"Scared of cats! But not ACT like a cat!"

Rei gave Azuka a sideways glance. "And just who’s fault was that?"

Azuka began twiddling her fingers. "Well maybe I did go too far with the cat thing." She looked down at Shinji. "But if you tell him about this you’re dead." Rei flinched at the ‘dead’ part.

"Maybe we should get him to a hospital or something?" Rei asked.

"Well I guess we should. Just wait a second."

Azuka bent down and reached into Shinji’s pants. After a few seconds she pulled her hand out.

Rei’s eyes had an almost Takahashist bulge to them. "What did you do that for?!"

Azuka smiled evilly. "Just curious I guess. Now are you going to help me get him to a doctor. We wouldn’t want the super psycho man here to get brain damage now would we? He doesn’t have much brain to waste."

Azuka had Shinji’s feet while Rei took his arms. Neither one of them was strong enough to lift him all the way off the ground so sometimes his butt would bounce off the ground. It was a strange site indeed. Two girls dragging an unconscious boy in various directions. Eventually they managed to make it to a clinic.

"Dr. Tofu? I’ve heard that name before somewhere." Azuka commented.

Together they hauled Shinji’s carcass into the lobby. A lady approximately 50 to 60 years old greeted them.

"Hello there." She said sweetly. "How may we help you?"

Azuka noticed that the woman was once beautiful but age and second impact had taken it’s toll on her. Her hair still had a few brown streaks in it but most of it was white now. Her face had a few wrinkles in it. A scar crossed from the top of her eyebrow and proceeded halfway down her cheek. Her eyes had a glow to them, but there was something else. It was like she’d seen her fair share of death in her life. This was not unusual for survivors, five billion people died almost instantly.

"Well our friend here got knocked on the head and he scratched my face." Rei said as she removed her hand from her face to show the scratch Shinji had given her.

Kasumi quickly rushed over to Rei and checked her face. Then she checked the still unconscious Shinji.

"Well your scratch isn’t too bad. It shouldn’t leave a scar but we still should put some peroxide on it so it doesn’t get infected. As for your friend here he took a nasty blow to the head. We’ll have to check him out." She led the trio into the examination room.

Sitting on a chair at his desk sat an older man with snow white hair. His eyes fixated on a computer screen.

"Dr. Tofu." Chirped the elderly lady. "We have some patients here."

The elderly doctor turned around and smiled. The girls were set into an unusual sense of calm.

He looked at Rei. "Well it doesn’t seem that bad. It shouldn’t leave a scar." He gently applied the peroxide to the cuts on her face. The peroxide bubbled and popped but Rei didn’t flinch. "So… would you mind telling me exactly what happened here." Dr. Tofu said, directed at no one in particular.

Azuka who, with the help of Kasumi, had dumped Shinji face first onto the examination table. Rei started "Our friend Shinji is afraid of cats. It happened a few days ago. Today she," indicating Azuka with a nasty stare. Well as nasty as a non emotional stare can be. "forced a cat into his face and he kinda freaked out."

"Freaked out? How?"

It was Azuka’s turn now. "He went crazy, he started acting like a cat."

"He acted like a cat?" This peaked his interest. "Can you show me?"

Azuka was confused by this, but she tried to comply to the best she could. She got down on all fours and arched her back like she’d seen Shinji do just before he sprang. She raised her right arm and curled it back into the catfist.

"I think this is how it went." She said.

Dr. Tofu was bug eyed. Kasumi did a Takahashi fall.

"What? What’s wrong?" she asked getting up off the floor.

"My god I didn’t think anybody was that stupid to teach it anymore." Dr. Tofu left Rei and rushed over to where Shinji was laying on the examination table.

"What? What are you talking about?" Azuka demanded.

"No I can’t be wrong." Dr. Tofu was talking to himself as he checked Shinji over.

"What is he talking about?" Azuka turned and asked Kasumi.

"Well what you just described is the symptoms of cat fist training. A dangerous technique that is extremely powerful but has the drawback of causing the subject to exhibit a great fear of cats and anything catlike. If the subject is exposed to cats for too long they loose control and start acting like a cat."

"Who would do such a thing?" chimed in Dr. Tofu. I haven’t seen a case of this in over twenty years."

"Well he’s not exactly normal." Rei said as she got up and went to the sink.

"Not exactly normal?" Asked Kasumi.

Rei threw the glass of cold water on Shinji’s head. Instantly the transformation took place. Kasumi jumped back while Dr. Tofu got closer.

"Jusenkyo!" he gasped.

"How’d you know about that!" Screamed Azuka. "It’s supposed to be top secret!"

"Well it just so happens that there was a mad rush of Jusenkyo cursings in the late 1980’s early 1990’s."

"You know…" said Kasumi "He kinda looks like Ranma when he was a girl."

"You know Ranma?" asked Azuka.

"Yeah we knew him but he died almost twenty years ago." Said Kasumi.

It was this time that Ranma decided to wake up.

"What the hell happened?" Ranma asked clutching his head.

"Ranma you jerk. Look what you did to Rei!" Screamed Azuka.

"Ranma?" chorused both Dr. Tofu and Kasumi at the same time.

Ranma looked around and recognized both Dr. Tofu and Kasumi.

"Dr. Tofu. K…Kasumi what are you doing here?"

"R…Ranma but how?"

"That is a long story." Ranma said as he looked down at the floor.

An hour later the entire tale had been told about how Ranma had died then how his spirit had gotten trapped in Shinji’s body. Dr. Tofu sat there enthralled, in all of his books that he’d collected about Jusenkyo none of them mentioned the soul of the victim ever getting trapped in the pool. It was extremely fascinating. Then it was their turn. They described how Dr. Tofu had finally proposed to Kasumi, the marriage, and most of the honeymoon. They conveniently left out the part with the police officer, whipping cream, a car battery, jumper cables, and the 1998 Denver Broncos. They also left out the second impact. It was a time they didn’t want to talk about since both of them had been working so hard to keep people alive but failed almost every time.

Kasumi walked over to where Ranma was sitting. She raised her hand, and… Slapped him as hard as she could.

"What the hell?" Ranma said holding his cheek. During all of his time at the Tendo’s Kasumi had never reacted violently to anything.

"How could you just go off and do something like that?" she scolded him.

"Do something like what Kasumi. Die. Hell I really didn’t have much choice in the matter. I had a four foot sword sticking out of my chest." He retorted.

She calmed down a bit. "Does Akane know?"

"Yeah she knows. I think she’s fine with it. I think she got over me a long time ago." Ranma said looking her straight in the eyes.

"God you are still stupid as always. Yes she married Ryoga but there’s always been a corner of her heart reserved for you."

"Well she’s done just fine with pig boy, and besides she’s too old for me now."

Interdimensional hammer to the head.

"Jeeze Kasumi when the hell did you get your class 3?"

"Well just after second impact it was quite violent around here so I went out and got my class 3 interdimensional hammer operator’s license." She remarked proudly, then hit him on the head again. "And that was for Ryoga."

"What?"

"You heard me. What was the deal with keeping Ryoga’s secret?"

"I gave my word. And…" suddenly there was a big explosion far away.

Azuka’s cell phone rang.

^ I can just guess. ^

/ Angel attack. /

^ Why else? ^

Azuka finished talking to the person on the phone.

"Well we have to go."

"Sorry about this Kasumi." Ranma said. "I need some hot water."

"Why?" She said as she walked over to the kettle and poured the rest of the contents into a mug that was lying close by.

"Well you see that was probably an Angel…"

"One of those monsters?" Dr. Tofu said.

"Yeah and you see all of us here are pilots of those giant robots."

"But you’re all only 14, well except for you Ranma, you’re an old fart."

"Hey I think I look pretty good for forty, but anyway I can’t pilot one of those things…" She poured the water on his head. Instantly Shinji took over.

"But I can." Shinji said.

"Who?… Oh wait you’re Shinji aren’t you?"

"Yes. Umm I hate to ask but do you have a car or something, we kinda need to get to Nerv asap."

"Sorry but we don’t have a car." Dr. Tofu said.

"Well then we must be going." Shinji said as he and the girls rushed out.

Kasumi turned to her Doctor. "Poor kid, do you think we should tell him."

"Now Kasumi you know we can’t tell him. She’s top secret. I knew what I was doing when I got involved with Nerv."

"I know, I still think you did the right thing."

"I hope so dear. I really hope so."

Shinji and the others were running at top speed towards the access tunnel that would allow them to get to Nerv and ultimately their Evangellions so they could save the world. But that was half a city away, and there was nobody around to give them a lift.

^ We’re not going to make it. ^

/ You can. /

^ I can’t just leave Azuka or Rei. Hey wait a minute. Why did I wake up in a doctor’s office, and why does my head hurt? ^

/ Cat. /

^ I’m going to kill Azuka. ^

/ Hey what happened to Rei’s face? /

^ Do you think I did that? ^

/ Possibly. But now we have to get to your Eva. /

^ I think I’ve got a better idea. ^

/ What. Oh no. /

Shinji ran up to Azuka and grabbed her and hoisted her under one arm. He did the same to Rei. The problem was the way he grabbed both girls would be considered rude and improper in modern society. But with the fate of the world resting on his shoulders a cheap feel couldn’t hurt. Right? Right?

/ Azuka’s going to castrate you, you know this don’t you? /

^ Oh man. Oh well might as well get some pleasure before the pain. ^

He gave Azuka’s right breast a light squeeze, then tweaked her nipple.

Her battle aura flared stronger than anything Akane could ever produce.

"Now hold on tight." Shinji said to the girls. "This is going to be one hell of a ride."

"What are you doing you bakaaaaahh!" Azuka yelled as Shinji launched skyward. His feet landed softly on a rooftop. They immediately broke into a full sprint with him and the girls in tow. He glanced around but could not see any trace of the Angel.

^ It must still be quite a ways away. ^

A giant leap took him and the girls skyward once again and onto another rooftop, then another, and another. Finally they landed on solid ground. He let the girls down. Azuka kissed the ground. She was visibly shaking. Fighting giant space monsters would barely phase her but a little roof hopping made her almost piss her pants. It is a strange life.

"That was fun!" Rei said in an almost excited voice. "Can we do it again?"

Shinji laughed. "Maybe some other time." He said as both of them ran down the access shaft leaving Azuka kneeling on the ground. She’d catch up later.

Their Eva’s were prepped and ready to go. A quick change later and Shinji was sitting in the pilot’s seat of Unit 01.

"Alright let’s dance."

| Heyyy Macarena! |

"Nooooooo" Shinji screamed as he pulled the disk out of his player.

"Alright who the hell was fooling around with my Eva?"

Ritsuko flinched but said nothing. It was her sick perversion and she didn’t want anybody to know about it. She loved the Macarena.

"Nevermind." Shinji grumbled as he stuck one of his favorite disks into the player.

| War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! |

"Launch Eva’s!" Misato yelled from the control room.

Both Eva’s shot to the surface. The metal housing around Eva 01 slid away.

Shinji looked up at the Angel he was to fight.

^ Oh no. ^