Webs: Part 1/1
BJ Carlson (AKA the Mighty Koshova)
carbre@ibm.net

Classification: MSR (Sorta - nothing to make the NoRomos extremely ill
though) Vignette.
Spoilers: Definitely for the End, light for Paper Clip.
Rating: PG
Timeline: End of Fifth Season - during the end
Story Note: My personal take on What Mulder was thinking as Evil, Foul
smelling Fowley was coming onto him at the Psych hospital... First
Person Vignette (But it's a shorty)

Standard Disclaimers: The X-Files and all people, places and main
characters thereof are not mine.  I feel extreme relief at this truth
since I'm learning from personal experience that fictional Characters
one creates tend to take over one's life.  No money was made in the
writing or distribution of this story, I'm simply a fan-fic aholic,
feeding my need in the most basic way possible.  May your obsessions go
well, and your life be lived in general peace.

Okay I THINK this is formatted right...holler if it's giving you
trouble..


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 "I've done okay without you."  Heh.  A polite translation of "You're
not my life."

 She drew back the slightest bit after I said it, and I saw the lines
around her mouth tighten.  With anger,  mind you, or perhaps with
surprise - I won't presume she felt actual sorrow.  Hurt would have
meant pain, as well as regrets.  It would have meant shattered
attachments.

 I thought that we once had that kind of connection.  Fine lines built
on mutual belief.  At that time, I was young enough to think it'd hold.
You were my refuge, and relief.

 But then you left me.  And the binding threads shimmered.  They
strained, and they broke with a snap.  I was left hanging there, like a
half asleep spider.  Reality had toppled me, mid-nap.

 The ground fell out from under my feet on that day.  Careless hands
shattered my frail assemblage.  You were gone and I was alone, dangling
mid-air.  I had only one thread left: the X-files.

 Ghosts and Goblins.  Spokes and witches.  That's my work, to a world of
'Agent Spenders'.  How appropriate, really, that they'd see it that
way.  Spiders would take up refuge in cobwebs.

 The  X-files have certainly felt that way some days.  You know, like
those gossamer strands.  You're walking through the woods on a dark,
summer night, when you feel stickiness snag your hands.  There's that
instinctual shirking - you paw the stuff away.  A sharp chill runs
straight up your spine.  Even I've felt it sometimes, despite what most
think.  But they're X-File specters, so they're mine.

 I told you that I managed okay without you.  That's the truth - I've
survived these past years.  My world has been dark sometimes, and I've
been afraid.  Yet through it, someone's *shared* those fears.

 It stung when you left, yes...like a slap in the face.  I'd lost to
many people already.  I needed you, Diane, and yet you still left me.
What's worse, you *knew*, yet you made me watch you go.

 "No one down here but the FBIs Most Unwanted."  I tried my very best to
drive her away.  I was a scared little spider trying to play tarantula.

 Strangely, mine was a game she could play.

 "I want exactly what you want."  It was the truth, and she proved it
with time.  I was slow to accept her, but she kept hanging on.  Until I
realized her quest was mine.

 "I've done okay without you, Diana."  I found a place where I belong.

 I've repun my lost web with the help of a *real* mate.

 You left, and my world came along.


END

So what do you think.  Any and all comments are welcome and
appreciated.  Civilized Flames will be accepted with grace. ;p