Title: No love lost
Writer: Xphila a.k.a. Kimi Smith
Rating: PG
Category: Angst, Romance, Anti-Fowl
Writer's notes: Am I as bad as I think I am and I HATE THE FOWL!!!!!
Feedback: Submit or Serve, (xphila@yahoo.com)

__________________________________________________________________________

Scully stared at the car she recognized as Mulder's. He smiled at the dark haired woman in the car next to him, got out and went round to open her car door. He kissed her cheek and she smiled, before waving and leaving him to close the car door.

She was standing on a step, as he walked up to her, he smiled at her but she kept her face rigid. She was almost the same height as he was now and as he stood in front of her she stared at his face.

"Did you have a good time with your partner?" she asked sarcastically. She expected him to shrug it off, but instead his expression darkened.

"Scully, why do you have such a problem with Diana?" he paused for a minute.

"All due respect, Mulder, but I don't think I have the biggest problem."

"What are you trying to say?" he asked coldly, staring her in the eye.

"Mulder," she said quietly, losing the cold look on her face, taking on a new quality. Sorrow.

"....You asked me, not that long ago if I was asking you to make a choice between Diana and I.....I wasn't then...but I am now..." she looked at him sadly.

"You're asking me to make a choice?" Mulder asked in disbelief, "Why?"

"Why?" She asked, her anger mounting, "Because I'm sick of you treating me the way you do."

"What do you mean?"

Scully shook her head, fiercely holding back the tears, "You don't understand, do you? I'm sick of you disregarding everything I say, every time I find some kind of evidence you ignore it....'Diana, will agree with you, so why listen to Scully, she's just being her usual pain in the ass self'. That's how I feel, Mulder. It's how you make me feel."

Mulder looked at her, a little regretful, "I don't feel that way,"

"No, I think you do. I don't think you realize what I've been through for you. What I've given up? At first...it was for myself...i don't know... In a way the X-Files touched me so deeply I decided it as worth fighting to keep them open. But in the end...a lot of what I've done on the X-Files is for you, because of you....You don't seem to appreciate, I've been there for you. Every time. Every single time. And what do you do...?"

Mulder looked at her with what she thought looked dangerously like hate.

"How can you say that? How? After everything we've been through?" he asked angrily.

"What have *we* been through...? My cancer? My abduction, My daughter, *My* sister's death....and almost *mine*. And I don't blame you for any of it but think about it. If I had closed the X-Files down I would have a normal life now...."

"So what are you saying? That I took it away?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?!? Fine, it's my fault, everything's my fault. So why don't you quit? Huh? If it's all because of me? Why don't you leave?" he shouted.

"Maybe I will," she said quietly.

"Fine," Mulder said and began to walk away. Scully grabbed his arm and swung him round.

"That choice," she whispered, "It's her or me." Mulder put his head closer to hers.

"Diana wouldn't make me make that choice," he hissed.

"OK," she mouthed before turning and walking away. She felt her chest hurting as he heart split into hundreds of metaphorical pieces, causing her physical pain.

"Good bye, Mulder," she whispered. Mulder stared after her. What had he done?

He'd just chosen Diana Fowley, a woman he didn't even know if he liked anymore, over Dana Scully, the woman he had been in love with for 5 years And why? He didn't know. Oh God, he's just made the worst mistake of his life.

X X X X X X X X X X

Scully had been driving for hours. She had next to no idea where she was and even less, where she was going. Away, was all she knew. Away from Mulder, and the FBI and Washington. The light was fading and she decided next motel she passed, she's stop at.

A couple of hours later she arrived at a slightly run-down road-side motel. She sighed, ruefully at the thought of a night there but got out of the car and walked inside, albeit slowly.

The room was small but reasonably comfortable. In much better condition than she had expected. she threw the keys on the table and collapsed on the bed. She out her hands over her face and exhaled loudly.

At two o'clock she was still wide awake. Every time she closed her eyes, Mulder's face came into her head, and his voice to her thoughts. So much so that it was beginning to scare her.

It was scaring her in the same way that she felt every time she saw Diana Fowley, who, in her head she referred to as 'The Fowl'. Needless to say she hadn't mentioned it to Mulder. The Fowl scared her because Scully had never hated anyone so much in her life, and it scared her because the main reason was because she was jealous.

Jealous. Because of Mulder.

Mulder.

Jesus. She was jealous because of her best friend. What did that say about her? Why was there that feeling whenever he walked into the room.

It couldn't be, could it?

She couldn't be in love with Mulder....could she?

"Aaarrrrrh," she muttered, scraping her hair back with both hands, before getting up and walking into the bathroom, starting up the shower.

X X X X X X X X X X X

Mulder looked in despair at the phone. Scully still wasn't home. She's been away for three days now. After she'd left him she didn't turn up for work and had disappeared. She wasn't answering her home phone, or her cell phone and Mulder had used his keys to get into her apartment which was empty.

Mulder was on the verge of breaking down. Not only did he blame himself for whatever Scully was going through, he had also dug up some new information on Diana Fowley and it looked like Scully had been right about her. From the evidence he had found, Diana Fowley was on the dark side.

And now he's lost Scully for her. But what did that say about him? That he only wanted Scully if he couldn't have Diana? No, that wasn't true. Diana just didn't do it for him whereas one look from Scully could conjure up every emotion he was capable of. And that was what scared him.

Maybe the impossible was happening...or had happened. He had fallen in love with Dana Scully. And he's driven her away.

He put his head in his hands for a few seconds before giving the Lone Gun Men a call.

"Hey," he greeted them, less than enthusiastically.

"Mulder," Byers greeted him, "What's up?"

"I've lost Scully," he said quietly.

"What do you mean, you've lost her?"

"I mean she....OK...we had a big fight and she walked out and she's not at home, not answering her cell phone and her car's gone."

"Well, if you had a fight I'm sure she'll be back soon," Byers tried to reassure him.

"Byers, it was a *big* fight," Mulder said.

"What about?"

"......," Mulder paused, "Diana Fowley."

"Oh, God Mulder, why have you let that woman back into your life? She ruined it last time."

"I know....I....I kinda think she might let me in on the conspiracy."

"Well newsflash buddy," Langly said, "She won't. Now I don't care what you say about you and Scully, she's worth going after and that Fowl woman isn't."

"I know that! You're not helping....I need to find Scully."

"Well, you know there's a tracking device on her car?"

"What?" Mulder asked baffled.

"And yours," Byers added.

"What?!" Mulder asked again.

"We bugged your cars during that whole thing when you got shot, we figured that if we wanted to find you you'd be in your car...so we...."

"OK, let me get this straight. You put an electrical tracking device on mine and Scully's cars?"

"Yeah," Frohike affirmed.

"And this can find Scully?"

"It can find her car."

"Find it, I'm on my way." Mulder said and hung up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sir, I'm with the FBI and I need you to give me the keys to the room occupied by a Dana Scully." Mulder said, flashing his credentials. The man at the motel counter looked at him apprehensively and then at his book, he turned and gave him the keys.

"I...ah, I think there's something wrong with her," he said.

"Oh? in what way?" Mulder asked, worried.

"Well, she hasn't left her room. As far as I know she hasn't eaten anything and the lady who does the cleaning said she looked sick."

"OH god," Mulder whispered.

"You know her?"

"yeah...she's my partner...."

"She's with the FBI?" the man was surprised.

"Yeah...I gotta go." He checked the keys, room 2, and dashed over to the door.

He knocked on room 2.

"Scully?" he called, there was no answer....he called again but still got no reply. "OK, I'm coming in," he said, giving her a few minutes warning before he unlocked the door.

Mulder surveyed the room, he looked over at the bed where Scully was, fast asleep. Mulder breathed a sigh of relieve, a rush of emotions flowing over him as he gazed at her.

Slowly he walked over to the bed and crouched next to her. Gently, he reached out his hand and stroked her hair back.

It *was* true. He was in love with her. He walked round and lay next to her on the bed, considering what the hell he was going to do now.

"Mmmm," Scully muttered and rolled over. She was still asleep but now was leaning on him. Mulder couldn't resist the urge to put his arms round her. He hugged he tightly.

"I'm sorry, Scully. I love you," he muttered into her hair. He kissed the top of her head and lay back on the bed, absently tracing patterns with his fingers on her forearms.

Scully muttered again as she turned. She looked like she was having nightmares. Mulder thought about waking her but dared not. Wanting to prolong her unconscious acceptance of him.

She opened her eyes and blinked, getting her bearings. Mulder let her go. She looked up at him and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mulder, it's you," she whispered, recovering from the shock of waking up in a man's arms she hadn't fallen asleep in. Then her expression darkened and she stood.

"Mulder, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he said, apprehensively.

"Why?...And why we were we...you ....what?" she stared at him thoroughly confused.

"You were asleep when I arrived."

"So why didn't wake me?"

"You looked so.....beautiful...and I was scared you would shout at me if I woke you."

"Mulder. Go away, I don't want to talk to you." she said and turned away from him.

"Scully...hear me out, I've been through hell trying to find you...I was really worried."

"Well, thank-you for your concern but I don't need you anymore."

"Did you ever?" Mulder half-whispered.

Scully stared at him. "Yes. Yes I did.....now leave me alone."

"Please listen to me," he begged. Scully looked at him for a few seconds before giving in and sitting on the bed.

"Go on."

"OK, " he began, "Here goes. There is a *lot* you don't know about my life. Stuff I haven't told you...that isn't on my FBI record that....that basically I want to forget." He looked at her pensively.

"And the reason for.....I didn't tell you because I didn't want to admit it happened....."he sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her.

"What?" she asked, curious.

"Scully....I've been married," he finally sprung it on her.

Scully was speechless.

"I'm sorry...I should have told you."

"Hang on....you're telling me you're divorced?"

"Yes."

"Diana?" she asked. Mulder nodded slowly.

"Scully, that's why I've been going around with her, because.....I felt guilty about the way we left things.

"How did you leave things?" Scully asked, trying to keep back the tears.

"She walked out on me."

"Then why...."

"Did I choose her?"

Scully nodded, looked dangerously on the verge of crying.

"I didn't...I didn't want to....I was pissed of that you didn't trust me."

"But you ...you completely forgot I existed.....Mulder...I was jealous...." She closed her eyes, beginning to cry...."I HATED myself for it Mulder... and I think we've just about completely ruined out relationship anyway so... I've fallen in love with you."

He smiled slightly. "That's a very good job, Scully," he smiled wider, "Because I'm just coming to terms with being in love with you." Scully looked at him through the teary film over her eyes.

"Then why...why did you tell me to quit?"

"I didn't mean it. I never want you to quit unless it's dangerous for you to stay.....but there's one more thing."

"What?" she whispered.

"You were right.....Diana is on the Dark side. She's part of this whole conspiracy." Scully nodded and stood up.

"I guess I knew it all along," Mulder said standing in front of her, "Do you really love me?" he asked.

"I really love you," she affirmed.

"Then....can we...finish what we started in the hallway?" Scully nodded carefully reaching up around his neck, she felt his hands on her hips, moving round her body before his lips met hers in the most perfect kiss either had ever experienced.

When they finally broke it, Mulder rested his forehead on hers.

"You kiss better than her, too."

Scully smiled, "You kiss good, Mulder."

He smiled back, hugging her close to him.

This would be the one relationship could never ruin. He would never want to.

"I love you, Scully."

"I love you too," she whispered back.

THE END

Feedback: xphila@yahoo.com

Submit or Serve.