Title: Deathmatch
Author: Starbuck
Email Address: Starbuck70@aol.com
Rating: PG-13 for language
Category: S, H
Spoilers: A little bit of everything and a whole lot of nothing. (But
mostly One Son)
Keywords: Humor
Summary: How do *you* want Diana Fowley to die?
Disclaimer: Ha! If Chris Carter wants to take responsibility for this sick
work of fiction, he can feel free. Otherwise, place all the blame on yours
truly.
Note: Okay, who else was extremely disturbed by "One Son??" If I didn't
want her dead before (which I did) I sure as hell do now. If she ever *ever*
touches Mulder again, I swear to god I'm writing Chris Carter hate mail. And
what was with Mulder being a jackass to Scully? I think he deserved a punch
in the face for that. . . Anyway, this is just a little piece of revenge for
that. . . heh heh heh.
X*~*X~* Deathmatch *~X*~*X
The bell sounded, signaling the beginning of the match as Diana Fowley
stepped into the makeshift ring. The highway had been roped off on
either side, making it close to impossible for either Diana or her opponent
to leave undetected once they were let in. Not to mention the fact that it
was guarded on both sides by the Lone Gunmen, a somewhat bloody and very
hungry Eugene Victor Tooms, the top half of the Flukeman, and what had grown
back of Leonard Betts' thumb. On the other side of the road, a haggard and
red eyed Marita Covorrubias quickly dodged a fast moving Volkswagen.
"Fight damnit!! The bell rang!" Screamed an impatient Robert Modell.
Distracted by the sound of his voice, Diana didn't notice the large minivan
headed in her direction. It slammed on it's brakes but was still moving fast
enough to do significant damage. It rammed into her side and knocked her
onto the rough pavement with incredible force. The driver of the van was
waved on and told not to worry about it. A few ribs broken, Diana peeled
herself up from the asphalt, and lunged herself at the unsuspecting blonde.
Caught unaware, the Special Representative was thrown to the ground, her head
smacking against the paved road. She returned the attack with a sharp
uppercut into Diana's already pained ribs. She winced and choked as the pain
became unbearable for a moment. This gave Marita another chance at her, and
she buried her fist in the dark haired woman's face.
"I don't care how many viruses you've been infected with, you're gonna pay
for that one, bitch!" Fowley growled as she spit out a tooth. Both women
now equally wearied and defeated, they leaped at each other again. Grabbing
at each other's hair and pulling fiercely, the two opponents screamed and
kicked at each other.
"Never thought I'd live to see the day." Mulder mumbled from the side of the
"ring." Beside him, Scully was cheering wildly for no one in particular,
unable to decide which one she wanted to die more.
Diana dodged a blow from the other woman and delivered a strong thwack to the
side of her head. She was on the ground instantly, and Fowley took this
opportunity to kick her while she was down. As she bent over to deliver a
final blow with her foot, the blonde lying seemingly unconscious on the
highway grabbed hold of her ankle and flipped her backwards into the side of
a taxi which zoomed past them, leaving a semi-conscious Diana motionless
between two segments of road.
"ALL RIGHT!!!!" Scully screamed jumping up from the lawn chair she had
placed alongside the road. She tossed Mulder another beer, and settled down
into her seat again, waiting for the next violent infliction of pain.
Frohike chose that moment to come over to where they were sitting.
"Um, Agent Scully?" He asked, a bit wary.
"Yeah?" She was a little ticked off that he was interrupting her watching
the deathmatch in front of her.
"I think there's something that you should see." With that he pulled out a
small video camera. "This is some surveillance tape I came across a few days
ago." She looked into the small lens and saw Mulder and sitting in Diana's
apartment. Across from him was the queen bitch herself. She watched her
take hold of his hand and move closer to him. Scully's face was becoming
hot, and she could feel herself fuming already. As Diana moved in and kissed
him, she thought she was going to explode from anger. Especially since
Mulder made no move to stop her. Scully pulled away from the camera.
Suddenly, she knew who to root for.
"Mulder, what the hell was that?" She asked. He gave her a questioning
look, and she snatched the beer from his hand, dropping it to the ground.
"Kissing HER???" Mulder gave her a sheepish look and shrugged.
"I didn't want to, she just started kissing me." Scully glared at him, then
shoved his chair over.
"GO MARITA!!!" She screamed, paying no attention to her partner, fumbling to
straighten his chair and climb back into it. Her attention once again
focused on the fight before her, and she saw that Marita was losing fast.
"Damnit." she mumbled. Fowley punched the quickly losing informant and she
landed just beneath a large Ford's front tires. The crowd was a mix of
cheers and "boo's."
"That's 50 bucks you owe me, worm boy!" A Peacock brother demanded of the
slimy fluke man standing next to him.
"All right, that's it." Scully said, growing more and more furious. "Bring
out the bees!!" With that, a giant tub of bees was brought out and thrown
towards the remaining opponent. She flailed her arms and screamed as she was
assaulted by the tiny attackers. Soon enough, she was passed out on the
blacktop, unable to move. Scully climbed into the ring only long enough to
give her a good punch in the face before she was run over by a two ton Mac
truck.
