Classification: VRA--Vignette, Romance, Angst
Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Alternate Universe.
Scully POV. Mulder POV.
Spoiler: The End
Rating: PG
Archive: OK to archive at: Gossamer and Xemplary.
Others: Ask me first. Please forward to ATXC.
Disclaimer: The characters of Fox
Mulder and Dana Scully doesn't belong to
me. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013
Productions, and the FOX network. No
infringement is intended.
Author's Note: I was feeling very melancholy
today so I decided to write this short vignette.
It's a mood piece based on the events of the The
End. Contains no spoilers from the movie. This follows
"Life Will Go On" where Fox Mulder, from a different
universe, is in Dana Scully's alternate universe, and
yes, she does call him "Fox" and he calls her "Dana".
Stories in this universe: "Letters to Dana",
"Without My Soulmate", "I Have No One", and
"Life Will Go On."
Feedback: As I'm trying to become a better writer,
I appreciate positive, critical feedback.
Summary: Scully's feelings after she sees Fox
with Diana Fowley, and then she writes Mulder
a letter.  Alternate Reality.

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I CAN'T WIN
Written by: Erin M. Blair <eblair@sonic.net>
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Scully's apartment
Georgetown, MD
Monday, 9:00 p.m.

-Scully's Letter to Mulder-

Dear Mulder,

I know that writing this letter is
odd. Very odd since you're dead and
I'm still here.

Still here...

Sometimes, I wish that I wasn't.

I saw that Diana Fowley with
you-know-who in the hallway,
and you don't how fast that I
ran to my car.

All of this happened an hour ago,
and he called me. I could hear
his voice on my answering machine.

I'm not answering.

I can't win.

I'm not going to try...

Yours,
Scully

               *        *       *

She doesn't know this, but I was watching
over her when she was writing a letter to
me. Some kind of ghostly projection, that's
what I'd like to call it. I'm stuck
at what they call a "waiting area" because
there are still some unfinished business that
I'd left behind.

Scully.

I thought that if I killed myself all of her
anguish would go away. They wouldn't do anything
to her if I'm not in the picture. All I wanted
was for her to move on and to be happy.

I was wrong.

I told her that she's my soulmate and how
much I loved her. I still love her, and it
hurts me so much to see how much pain she's
in.

How do I know?

I'm always watching her... I have to watch
her to make sure that she's safe.

That she's happy...

I have to show her that he loves her...

I willed myself to write a letter and I gently put
on the table.

           *             *         *

Dana Scully's Apartment
Georgetown, MD
Tuesday, 5:00 a.m.

I saw a slip of paper on the kitchen
table, and it's from Mulder.

Not the one that I had seen with Fowley, but the
one who died. Although they are alike in many ways,
they have slight differences in handwriting.

"Dear Scully,

I'm sorry for what I put you through
when I killed myself. I shouldn't have
left you like that. All I wanted for
you was to be safe. I thought that if
I killed myself, you'd be protected.

I was wrong. Dead wrong. Sorry, slight
dead humor.

I also thought that you'd be loved by
someone who loves you as I do. That's the
reason why I'd arranged for the other Mulder
to find you. That's why I had told you
in my letter that we'll meet again soon.

If I were still living, I would make certain
that you know how much I love you. I'll
always love you. That's why I'm still
watching out for you.

I'll always watch over you.

Remember this: Diana Fowley isn't the
key to my heart and soul. You are.

It's true for me, and I know it's true
for him.

If you quit on loving him, he'll fall
apart. He lost his chance before, Scully,
you know that. I doubt that he wants to
lose you too. You're all that he has left.

You can win, Scully! Please believe me.

Yours,
Mulder"

I read the letter repeatedly. Mulder
knew about this? He had been watching over me
like a guardian angel. He wanted me to be happy
and to move on with my life.

He *gave* me to Fox. He'd given Fox a light to find
me when he needed it the most. To show him that
there was a Dana Scully for him.

       *          *            *

She read the letter several times, and I could
tell that she was moved by it. Now, I had to
reach Fox.

I can't believe that I called myself that,
but that's what he calls himself. I know that
I'm off the subject---Scully.

Scully and Fox.

I have to fix them up for the second time. He
has to realize that this is the only chance
that he'll have with her.

I decided to leave her, and find him. It wasn't
that hard, believe me. I always know where he is,
and I know that he was with Diana Fowley.

I know that I had dated her, and I fondly remember
her with disgust. She was the reason why it took
me such a long time to realize that Scully was the
one for me.

The *only* one for me.

The kicker was that I can't have her. I'm dead. I
shouldn't have killed myself. If only I knew
what I know now, Scully and I would be together.

I know that now.

           *        *         *

Fox Mulder's Apartment
Alexandria, VA
Same day, 6:00 a.m.

I could see Fox in the apartment, and I guess that he
likes to sleep on the couch. I *know* that I'd enjoyed
it myself. I know that he could hear me so I decided
to go into his dreams.

"Fox, it's me," I said, simply. I didn't want to waste
any time. "I need to talk to you about..." I paused. I
decided to use the name that he'd called her. "Dana."

That got his attention. "What about her? She's all right,
isn't she?" His voice was in total alarm. From what his
voice told me, he would die if anything happens to her. I
decided to show him the letter that Scully wrote me.

"There's something that you should see. Two letters. Scully
wrote a letter to me last night..."

"Last night? Why?"

"She saw you with Diana Fowley at the hospital. She was
going to tell you the news about Gibson Praise's MRI
results."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm always watching out for her."

"But why?"

"All I wanted was for her to be happy and to be loved
by someone who loves her as I did."

"I'm that person, Mulder."

"If you don't make her see how much you love her, then
you'll be back to the universe where you're originally
from where there's no Dana. There will be no more
chances. You have to face this now."

I think that he understood what he's faced with.

          *           *           *

Dana Scully's Apartment
Georgetown, MD
Same day, 8:00 a.m.

I heard some incessant knocking at the door, and I
walked to answer it. It was Fox, wearing a grey
T-shirt and jeans. He looked as though he hadn't
fallen asleep. "Fox, what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep, Dana. How come you thought
I loved someone else?"

"Who told you that?"

"Someone who cares," He replied, as he sat down
on the couch. "It doesn't really matter, but
it alarmed me to think you couldn't win. Do you
know how much I despise Diana Fowley?" He paused.
"She's so annoying. She's like a broken record. I
know for a fact that *Mulder* hates her too."

"I hadn't known that..."

"It's true. All true," He said, with a sigh. "The
truth is that I love you. We're meant to be together.
You can win, Dana. In fact, you already won." At that,
he took me into his arms, and I could feel his warm
lips on me ready for a kiss.

I kissed him. Long and hard. That's when I knew
how I won.

I won because I'm happy. I'm happy to be in love
with him.

End of Story.

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- Erin Blair
- eblair@sonic.net
- "And if I quit now, they win."
- from the X-Files: Fight the Future Movie