Title: Blind faith (2/2)
Author: Natalie Farr
Summary: When an investigation turns seriously wrong, Mulder and Scully must
deal with a terrible disability between them. Twist on "Mind's Eye".
Featuring Diana Fowley.
Rating: R
Spoilers: The End, Mind's Eye
Category: MSR, angst.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Fowley belong to Chris Carter, 1013,
and Fox Productions. If you'd like to use my story for an episode, please ask me
first. (Yeah, dream on, Natalie)
"I only smile in the dark.
My only comfort is the night gone black."
--Shirley Manson, "Only happy when it rains"
"Blind Faith" (2/2)
Part 2: "Through your love"
24 hours later and Scully was ready to go home. And although her doctor didn't
approve, there was no reason for her not to leave. More tests had been done, and
they would just have to wait for a few days for the results. Since she hadn't
had another "fit", as he'd put it, her mental health wasn't really in question:
They thought it was either shock, denial, or frustration of her sudden
blindness.
Mulder hadn't put up much of a fight to stop her; he'd seen her face and known
what she'd needed. She'd needed to be in a place where she felt safe, with
people she knew and trusted. Then she didn't have to put on a brave face; though
she probably would anyway.
She'd quickly agreed to let him stay with her, and she was glad of it. She
wouldn't manage to do it alone just yet, though the thought of being so
dependent terrified her. She'd been reduced to a timid little thing and it had
affected her personality as well. She seemed most of the time like a little
child clinging to her mother. Mulder could only hope she felt safer at home.
Mulder slipped his arm around her on the way from the car and her head rested on
his shoulder.
As soon as they stepped into her apartment she seemed better.
"We're home."
She smiled in reply, her face revealing how tired and worn she was.
"I'm exhausted."
"Shall I get you some coffee, or...?"
She shook her head, looking at him.
Even unseeing she knew where to find his eyes after so many conversations.
Spooky.
Spooky Scully.
He took her hand and helped her through to the bedroom, though she found it very
easily.
"I've been dreaming about sleeping in my own bed for ages."
"Come on then, I'll help you."
"I just need to get undressed."
"I can help you with that."
She chuckled. Mulder turned the light on there for some unknown reason, and
turned his back to her
'She'll be fine if you turn your back on her for one minute, you know. I think
she knows her own bedroom well enough to get undressed and get in bed.'
He could hear the sound of clothes being fumbled with behind him.
'God, she trusts me not to look. She doesn't even know I'm not.'
*Just have a little look. *
'No way! How low would that be?!'
*She won't know so she won't get offended. *
'I would know.'
It was at times like this that he wanted to be able to strangle that voice.
"I'm done." she said as she climbed into bed. Mulder turned around and switched
off the light as he watched her find a comfortable position.
"Do you want me to go? I though I should sleep in the couch."
She spoke timidly and almost embarrassed.
"Could you maybe stay in here? I think the armchair in the corner's pretty
comfortable."
He smiled.
"OK."
He sat down and found it very comfortable. After shifting into a comfortable
position he found himself feeling like a guardian watching over her.
She was beautiful when she slept. Even more than usual in a way, because all of
her worries seemed to disappear.
She lay on her stomach, her eyes closed, her breathing steady. He thought she
was asleep until she spoke after a couple of minutes.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"Is it dark?"
He felt tears in his eyes when he realised that she couldn't know he'd switched
off the light.
"Yeah, it's dark. The light's off; I can't see much either."
Her eyes were open, but empty apart from the tiny tears that were coming.
"I'm scared." her voice trembled.
He walked over to her and took her hand.
"You don't have anything to be scared of. I'm right here, and I'm not going to
let anything happen to you. Ever. In a couple of days we're going to do to the
hospital and we'll find out when you'll be able to see again, and all this'll be
over. That's all that's going to happen."
'Yeah, you're here. But for how long?'
"I'm still scared." she whispered, and he couldn't help the instinct to hold
her. She gripped tightly onto him like he was her lifeline.
He kissed her checks and forehead, gently and reassuring; making sure she knew
that she wasn't alone and lovingly soothing the hot tears that came.
They soon turned more loving.
Too loving.
The first real kiss was long and firm. A kiss that had been waiting for a very
long time.
Mulder's hands were on her checks to make sure she didn't move Scully's hand on
the back of his neck to stop him from pulling back.
Need.
'Let me have you.'
'I'm yours if you want me.'
Their words spoke through their kiss, but it was hard to tell who each sentence
came from.
But they didn't care.
It didn't matter.
They knew.
And they felt the same.
As they made love nothing else mattered, and what did was quickly washed away
from their minds by the calming sound of the rain.
8.30 AM
Scully woke slowly and peacefully the next morning to feel, if not see, the sun
on her face. She didn't open her eyes, keeping the image of a sunlit bedroom on
her mind, and felt the bed beside her for Mulder. His hand soon took hers from
the side of the bed.
'Of course,' she thought, 'already up, dressed, and ready for action.'
She felt his weight sink the bed beside her and a light kiss on her lips.
When he kissed her, her mind seemed to unable to take in more than one thought
at a time without risk of overloading. Her entire being had to concentrate on
what was going on at her mouth.
This time the word "warm" managed to register in her thoughts.
"Is it light?"
"Yeah, it looks like a nice day."
"I though so. What are you going?"
"I just called the hospital."
"How is she?"
"She's conscious. Not the best she's ever been, but I guess you know that."
She nodded sadly.
"I'm sorry she had to go through that."
"I'm sorry wither of you did."
His fingers played with a little lock of her hair.
"Mulder, about last night...I just want you to know that of you want to forget
it happened, that's OK."
"Do you want me to?"
She pause, trying to decide whether to be honest or not.
"No. But I don't want you to feel to do something you don't want to because I'm
in a vulnerable position right now."
He smiled down at her lovingly for a moment.
"Dana, do you know what I saw last night?"
'Diana?' her mind though, forcing her to remember that he wasn't hers. 'Some
poor blind woman that you took pity on?'
"God?" she smiled.
"No. I saw nothing. Nothing because I only realised afterwards that I'd had my
eyes closed from the first kiss. So that I would see exactly the same as you.
That's got to mean something, doesn't it?"
"I guess so."
"I'm not going to forget about it. I'm not going to call it comfort, or pity,
or anything like that. I call that love."
'Shit, Mulder, stop it. Now you're really confusing me. I wish I could see your
eyes. Then I'd know if you were lying.'
He kissed her long and lingering until she pulled away a few inches.
I think you should go to the hospital."
"What?"
"You should go see her. Show you care."
"I can't leave you alone!"
"I don't think I could bare to do much more than lay in bed for a few hours,
Mulder. You should just go spend some time with her, and come back in a couple
of hours. And bring back Chinese."
She could feel him relenting.
"You knew I'd want you to come round if it was me. Explain what's happening to
her, she must be confused."
"All right. If you're sure you'll be OK."
"I'll be fine."
He kissed her softly, and left the room.
"Don't be too long, I'll get hungry!" she called after him.
"I won't!"
After she heard the front door shut, she snuggled up in the warm bed again. She
lay there for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out why she could still
smell his scent, until she remembered that she was wearing the shirt she'd been
wearing the night before.
ST. JOHN'S HOSPITAL, 9.35
Well, well, well. This is interesting. Looks like my new lady has a visitor.
Oh, I know this guy! It's the idiot who couldn't protect the bitch in the first
place!
Not much to worry about then. He doesn't really look all that concerned about
her, he looks happy. If I were him I'd be worried. I was expecting someone to at
least be annoyed!
I know what would annoy him. To know that the killer was literally right in
front of him. That he's passed by the killer about 15 times going in and out of
this place.
Guess it's true what they say. No one ever notices the security guard.
Mulder took Diana's hand.
"How're you holding up?"
He winced.
"Sorry, I guess that's a bad question."
"I'm not wonderful, but there's not much you can do about that. I'm glad to be
alive."
"So am I." he smiled softly at her.
"Actually, there is one thing you can help me on. How did you find me?"
"Scully. She...just knew where you were. It's a long story."
He wasn't doing to tell her the whole truth; it would be too humiliating for
her.
"How is she? The last time I saw her she was hurt."
"She *will* be OK. Another long story."
Scully? So was that the chick I knocked over? The little hussy didn't even see
me coming. I know the name though; she was in here for a while. I heard she
caused some noise, thought I wasn't here to see it. I was...doing other things.
Dana Scully. So you're the reason he got to her before I did, when I had so many
nice plans for the two of us. You had to stick your nose in, didn't you, you
bitch? I'll get you for that, little redhead. Trust me. I don't think anybody
would mind if I just found your address from the patient records.
I seem to remember hearing you're blind. Which means if I can just do your
lover's voice then the two of us could have a lot of fun together.
Maybe I could go through with some of those lovely plans I had.
Door's open. Bad move, Miss Scully.
I open the door and look around the neat apartment, until I spot the pretty
little redhead laying on the sofa, listening to the radio and eating chocolates.
Her head turns slightly.
"Mulder?"
OK, here goes.
"Hey." I whisper, as convincingly as I can. She doesn't seem to notice.
I walk over and look down at her. She smiles.
"I know. Chocolate isn't the most normal thing for me to be eating, but it was
the only thing I could find that was ready to eat. I'm just pleased I found my
way about."
I sit down beside her. Might as well get started with the fun before she
realises what's going on. Poor little thing. She's like a tiny, timid blind
kitten.
"That's my girl." I whisper it against her lips and kiss her softer than I ever
have before. You like it gentle, don't you? You're a delicate little rose that
must be taken care of. Don't make me laugh.
"Did you bring Chinese?"
Ups.
"Sorry."
I start unbuttoning her blouse.
"It's OK, I've ruined my appetite anyway."
"I realised I wanted something else."
Thank God they're lovers, or I'd be either dead or castrated by now.
I kiss and lick my way down to her breast, her eyes closed tight.
"What do you want?" she whispers, her fingers running through my hair.
I suck that tight nipple for a second, one hand already between her thighs, then
pull up to her face suddenly, inches away from her lips.
I can't resist.
I SO want to see you scared little kitten.
With one hand still rubbing her, I tell her.
"I want to do to you exactly what I did to your friend."
It took Scully a few seconds to realise it, then her eyes grew large in fear.
She made a desperate attempted to escape from him, a small cry on her lips, and
ended up on the floor. The room seemed tiny in her mind's eyes as she tried to
remember the way to the door.
She scrambled towards that direction as the man whispered harsh words and clawed
at her. He wasn't even trying to grab her, she realised; he just hovered near
her watching and mocking her desperate attempted at freedom. That made her anger
return to her, knowing that he was in complete control of the situation. He
could do whatever he wanted with her like she was a helpless little girl.
She reached the large bookshelf by the door, and only when her back was up
against it did she realise that he wasn't touching her anymore seconds before.
She crawled into a hunched position, not even moving, and listened closely to
the quiet of the room. He was playing with her, watching her terror. He was
there somewhere in her darkness watching her shaking body, listening to her
rapid breath...if she could just find him...
She swung her arm out forcefully in front of her, finding only air.
"Where are you?" she hissed, angry at knowing it was very obvious she was
terrified.
She swung her arm out again to her left, seconds before he hit her with full
force from the right. It knocked her down to the ground, but it made her move.
She pulled herself up, her shaking hands fumbling with the doorknob. Before she
could get it open one of his hands circled her waist, the other clasping over
her mouth. He pulled her into the kitchen in front of him, there letting her
fall to the ground.
She lay there stunned for a moment; listening to him pull draws open quickly and
slam them again. Probably looking for something sharp.
Then her brain focused again.
The light at the end of the tunnel appeared. It would slow him down enough just
so she could maybe make it out the door.
She crawled quietly over to the bottom draw and fumbled inside it.
"What are you doing?" the man asked as he moved to her side and started to bend
down to grab her again. She found what she was looking for.
It wasn't much more than instinct at the feel of his touch that gave her the
courage to drive the small, but very sharp knife straight into his leg.
He yelled and dropped to the floor beside her, almost landing on her. His cries
of pain almost covered Mulder's call from the living room.
Scully felt her heart lift in hope as she pushed herself away from the man until
her back hit the wall.
The next few seconds were blind confusion for her. She tried not to listen to
the footsteps and yells, and prepare herself for whatever would happen. For
survival. For pain. For death.
When a shot rang out it took her a few moments to realise she wasn't dead.
"Scully?!"
Mulder's voice from the entrance of the room came like a light in the dark. He
ran over to her and helped her slowly up. She heard him curse in shock for some
reason.
"I'm OK." her voice quivered, but reassured.
"There's blood all over you!"
"It's not mine. What happened?"
"He ran out the door and I shot him in the hall."
He watched her shaking slightly. His hands wrapped her body to clam and steady
her, mentally damning himself for leaving her alone.
"You sure you're OK?"
She nodded, closing her eyes. He stroked over her cheek as he realised how
stupid he'd been. And how precious she was to him. She needed him now more than
ever and he'd left her on her alone. Again.
The moment passed quickly, then he reached for the phone.
Two hours later and the feds and police had pretty much finished with them and
the crime scene in the hall. It hadn't been the best way to make friends with
the rest of the tenants, who found they were going to have difficulty getting in
and out of the building, as there was a dead body by the front door. Not that
Mulder regretted it; he would have hated to stain Dana's apartment with blood
and make her home a crime scene. It was the last thing she needed.
Mulder stood by her front door talking to Skinner, but not really listening. He
could hardly take his eyes off the beautiful fragile creature that sat on the
sofa. Her legs were up on the sofa, her head resting on her knees, and it made
her look like a lonely child. She had no way of knowing where he was unless she
called to him. Which she wouldn't, of course; it would show she needed someone.
He wasn't doing a good job. What made him think he could take care of her? He
wouldn't have been surprised if she told him she never wanted to see him again.
How irresponsible could one man be? Maybe he just couldn't take care of any of
the women that he loved.
"How's she holding up?" Skinner asked, noticing his concern.
Mulder look down at the floor and smiled ironically. He looked at him and
answered; "I should know, shouldn't I?"
He walked over to the sofa and sat down near her. She felt his weight and
reached her hand out towards him. He took it and squeezed. They stayed like that
for a minute until he got up the corege to speak, quietly so he wouldn't be
heard by anyone else in the apartment.
"When I first came in the kitchen and saw you...I thought it was your blood. If
it had been...if he'd hurt you, I could never forgive myself."
*Why? You were where you supposed to be. You belong with her, not me. I know
you're only here because you feel you need to be, but you'll go soon. Probably
when she gets out of hospital.*
"But he didn't hurt me."
"He got in here. I'm supposed to be looking after you. I'll never let you out
of my sight again. I promise."
Skinner inturupted, slightly imbarresed at having to, informing them that they
would leave them alone now. He wished Scully his best, and left. After they'd
gone, Mulder got up and locked the door behind them.
"Just us."
"I need to take a shower."
"I don't blame you, but I can't let you. What kind of hero would I be then? I
just promised you a minute ago that I'd never look away from you."
Dana got up and smiled.
"I know." she said coyly.
He thought about this for a second, then descided he liked the idea and took her
hand to help her into the bathroom.
He stood with his back against the door and watched her move carefully around
the bathroom. She was definatly more confidant at home and she was adjusting
well to her disability.
Temparery disability.
He prayed.
He watched her turn on the shower and turn around to him, a slight smile on her
face.
"How am I doing?"
He took her hand.
"I give you an A."
He leaned her back against the sink, picking up the hairbrush and started
combing her hair.
"I think I can do that myself." she smiled.
"I'm here to help you, arn't I?"
He looked down at her dead eyes that starred unseeingly at his chest. It was
fascinating and horrible at the same time. So terrible that it was hard to look
away from.
"You sure you're OK?"
"I'm fine."
"Of course."
That made her smile.
"But maybe you should have gone to the hospital to get checked over."
"I hate hospitals. And I think they'd kill me if I ever stepped in there
again." She gave a playful grin; "Besides, I trust your opinion much more."
He swallowed, trying not to let himself get too out of control.
"Sounds good to me."
She pulled off her large shirt, revealing her bra, unable to help feeling a
little imbarest. Even though they'd made love the night before, she didn't
really know how much of her he'd seen. The feeling of his hands running ever so
gently over her stomach and chest, brought a shiver along with the strong
feeling that he liked that he saw.
"You look fine so far." that sexy, throaty voice of his was amazing.
He didn't tell her that she still had a lot dried blood on her. As well as long,
red marks probably left by fingernails.
She heard him start to undress, so she did the same and he helped her into the
shower. The hot water was a shock to her system, but so was Mulder's hands that
soon wrapped around her stomach from behind. He stroked over her hair, kissed
her cheeks, whispered sweet nothings into her ear making her eyes flutter
closed. He kissed her lips tenderly and whispered to her words she never thought
she'd hear.
"I wish you could see this."
She smiled at the thought.
"I can, Mulder. You know me better than that."
He hugged her tightly, than reached for the shampoo, and smoothed it through her
hair. She gathered up corege to tell him after a few minutes.
"I know what it's like to make love to you, Mulder."
"I thought I was the only one of us who had those thoughts."
She grined. "No...I mean I really know. The first night when she was alone and
scared she started thinking about you. She must love you so much, because all
her memories of you from years ago...they were so clear. So fresh that it was
like being there. And you were beautiful. So young and handsome. And she had
you. I envy her for that."
"What did you see?"
"I saw you when you first found the X-files. How happy you were. I know what it
was like to kiss you that first time...to see the intensity in your eyes. And
what it was like to make love to you for the first time. To watch you sleep. I
won't ever forget that."
"Good. I'm afraid that...that you won't ever see again, and you'll forget my
face."
"Oh, I could never do that. You were the last thing I saw. And if I never see
again I don't mind. Not really. Cause the last thing I saw through my eyes was
the stars. And the last thing I saw at all was through her eyes when she oke up
in the hospital. She looked at you and you smiled...then you kissed my...her
forehead. So I could never forget you, Mulder. Don't even think that."
He was silent for a moment, his chin resting on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry about last night." he murmured.
*See? Now do you think he loves you? He was just out for a one night stand. How
you have the nerve to pull him into the shower with you is beyond me.*
She smiled sadly.
"It's OK."
"I shouldn't have put you in that position. I just wanted you so much..." He
placed a kiss on her soft shoulder.
"Mulder, it's all right. And I'll be all right when you go."
He paused.
"When I go? What do you mean?"
She wanted to cry at the thought.
"When you go back to Diana. I'll be OK. Somehow."
"What are you talking about? I'm not going to leave you!" gentle laughter and
love were in his voice. "I'm not going anywhere."
A wave of shock ran over her.
"You're not?" she tried, imbarresed.
"Of course not! I'm staying right here with you until you kick me out. That did
you think; that I'd leave you to fend for yourself?"
"I don't know..." she stammered, very imbarresed now and feeling her cheeks go
hot.
He turned her around slowly to face him.
"Dana, wer'e in this together. Of course I'm not going to leave you. I'm
staying right beside you until we're through this. And I hope after."
Her chin quivered.
"I just thought that you would go back to her..."
He hugged her comfortingly, stroking her back.
"Scully, I should have told you about the two of us a long time ago. Yes, we
were lovers. or a long time. But when we started working together on the X-files
we maneged to become friends again. There isn't any love between us anymore,
just an old understanding. And regret. I guess we both wanted it to work, but we
knew it wouldn't. That's why she left.
"I...I guess I've just been really scared that you were going to descide she
was more important to you than me..."
He smiled simpethetically and stroked over her wet hair.
"Scully, if you think for one second that she could take your place in my life,
than you have to go do some serious rethinking. No one ever could. If you left,
the hole in my life would be too big for anyone to ever fill. You're everything
to me. I need you, Scully. For now and forever."
She looked shocked. Then she giggled, her eyes brightening.
"You mean you're mine?" she grinned.
He laughed and hugged her tightly.
"Yeah, I'm yours."
He turned his head towards her ear, knowing he dared say it now.
"You really didn't know how much I love you?"
Her heart jumped.
"No." it was a whisper. "How could I not know something like that? I really
didn't loose much by going blind, did I?"
"You'll see again. I promise. You have to; we have our whole lives ahead of us,
don't we?"
The largest smile he'd ever seen on her crepped over her. Her arms slid around
his neck, bringing his mouth to hers.
When Dana Scully was a little girl and had run to her parents bedroom for
comfort from nightmares, her mother would carry her back to bed and say;
"There's nothing to be afraid of, sweetie. You shouldn't think of your bed as a
place to be scared. It should be a place where you're warm and happy."
And that night as she lay in her lover's sleeping arms, looking up at the
ceiling, she agreed completely.
Right now, life was wonderful in the soft confinds of her bed. Her beautiful,
caring lover lay sleeping next to her, his hand resting protectively over her
stomach. Her naked body was still warm and heavy from their lovemaking, which
had been a promise of eternal love. And now she lay awake in the dark room,
watching the reflection on the ceiling of the trees blowing rhythmatically in
the soft wind.
She smiled. 'Watching' was a word she hadn't aprechiated before. Bit it felt
good now that she'd been laying awake for over an hour while her sight very
slowly returned and focused.
Everything had worked out. Everything had fallen into place. Diana would be all
right soon enough, though the mental wounds would need a lot more time to heal.
The killer was dead and gone; case closed. And she had Mulder.
She believed that her sight had been taken for a reason; because she was the
only one in the position in which to help Diana, and it was right on time that
her sight returned. She's gone what God or whatever had done this had wanted her
to do, and she felt quite rewarded.
She turned onto her side and faced Mulder. He stirred in his sleep and his arm
moved tighter around her back. She studied his warn face as she'd wanted to for
days. She knew him well, but sometimes she couldn't know for sure whether he
was telling the truth or not unless she saw his eyes.
"You're so beautiful..." she whispered under her breath.
Maybe she should have woken him and told him. But she didn't. Instead she curled
up against his chest, their arms wrapping around each other protectively. She
settled down like a little bird in her nest and closed her eyes to sleep.
She would tell him in the morning.
There was no hurry.
They had the rest of their lives, and beyond.
They had forever.
THE END
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Thank you so much for reading; I hope you enjoyed it and that you now don't have
the urge to murder me while I sleep. Feedback would be very much appreciated at
catatonic_gungirl@yahoo.com
